Sep 042012
 

I started to write something on desire after rereading Lacan’s discussion of the object petit, but when I couldn’t organize my thoughts, I abandoned the draft. A few weeks later, I came across a post about fantasy on “My Dissolute Life” wherein N. Likes deconstructed his “core fantasy” to “understand just why, and how, it works.” It motivated me to return to my draft and attempt to articulate how desire feels different in my current (D/s) relationship than it did in my previous relationships.

Ultimately, I hypothesized that my desire for my submissive is out of a want to consume him. It’s more than a desire to be with him — it’s a desire to possess him, a desire to consume him. In other words, I want him so fucking much that I have to have him, every part of him, in whatever way I want him… right now. 

Recently, both Axe (of “Unspeakable Axe“) and Peroxide (of “Submissive in Seattle“) discussed desire within their larger discussions about forms of play they don’t enjoy. (If you don’t already know, Axe and Peroxide both identify as submissive men.) While Axe wrote about why he isn’t into cuckolding and Peroxide wrote about why he isn’t interested in denial, their rationales for disliking those forms of play are very similar — it all boils down to their want be desired (and feel desired) by their dominant partners.

Axe: “Maybe that’s why I respond so strongly to being objectified as a sex-object. Something wanted and desired so badly that she can’t help but just fucking take me.”
Peroxide: “One of the big draws of D/s for me is that I see Dominance as an expression of desire, hand over all the control to my partner and she still wants me, wants my body, that’s incredibly hot.”

Both men want to be desired and want to feel their dominant partner’s desire for them. In other words, their desire is to be desired. And so, forms of play that make them feel undesirable or undesired don’t turn them on.

While I’m on the other side of the D/s slash, denial and cuckolding don’t interest me either, for many of the reasons Axe and Peroxide suggest (implicitly and explicitly). Like them, for me it all comes back to desire. The activities I enjoy are those that enact my desire for my submissive partner. Practices like denial and cuckolding enact the polar opposite of desire (at least they would for me). Engaging in activities that don’t represent my desire would not only turn me off, they’d also feel dishonest.

If you’ll indulge me, I’m going to break down a few things that appeals to me and a few that don’t, and I’ll attempt to explain why it’s all linked to various kinds of desire — my desires and my submissive’s desires.
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Denial = Not hot

As a general or long-term means to control a submissive, denial isn’t something that appeals to me. I don’t want to deny my submissive contact, intimacy, play, sex, or orgasm for a number of reasons. First, and most importantly, I like all of those things! I like physical/emotional intimacy, I like play and sex, and I like his orgasms. Denying him any of those things would mean denying myself, and self-denial isn’t something I’m into. Second, part of what (I hope) makes me the kind of dominant I am is that I want to ensure my submissive’s physical and emotional needs are being met. In terms of when and how they’re fulfilled, his needs may be secondary to mine, but they’re no less important. (Okay, maybe a little less important, but only a little).

Orgasm control and tease/denial “games” = Hot!

Controlling the boy’s orgasms is lots of fun and a huge turn on for me. However, my brand of orgasm control is more like “don’t orgasm without permission,” or working towards training him to associate a command with release, or “forcing” him to orgasm in a way he doesn’t particularly enjoy. Besides that, my preferred tease and denial “games” are just that — games. They’re only ever short term, in the context of a scene, an evening, or maybe over a couple of days. But, during a scene that involves tease and denial, there’s still lots of physical contact, lots of play (play that doesn’t include his orgasm), and lots of intimacy. I may flirt with being cold and callous in a particular scene, but that’s within the context of an established, warm, loving relationship. (Yeah, I know that doesn’t seem to make sense, but it does… at least I think it does.)

Cuckolding = Not hot

Cuckolding, or otherwise insulting, devaluing, humiliating, and/or generally making my partner feel bad about himself — none of those things turn me on. They aren’t appealing. In fact, the thought of doing any of them makes me cringe. I enjoy inflicting pain, but that isn’t the sort of pain I’m into giving. I’m a physical sadist — not an emotional one. I wouldn’t enjoy being emotionally sadistic because I like my boy — pretending otherwise would feel dishonest. My submissive is intelligent, talented, and proud, but he’s also big and strong and stereotypically masculine. I’m attracted to all of those things–those qualities and characteristics are desirable to me. More than a turn off, making him feel undesirable would feel like lying. I’m not even sure I could pretend he was undesirable, even if I wanted to.

Thinking about my submissive watching me with another sub = Hot!

While cuckolding is a turn off, I have fantasized about my submissive watching me play with someone else. In my fantasies, my sub watches me dominate and fuck another male-sub or a female-sub (sometimes there’s one of each!). But in that scenario, my submissive isn’t a cuckold — he’s an observer (a turned on and mildly jealous observer). He watches and he might be told to participate in some way, but not in any way that humiliates him or makes him feel bad about himself.

Of course, I realize making someone jealous isn’t a very mature thing to do, but I can’t help the fact that fantasizing about it turns me on. I’m not particularly proud of it, but it’s the truth. Besides that, I also understand that involving other play partners opens up the possibility for unintended and undesirable consequences. For those reasons, this particular fantasy isn’t something I’m really considering. For now, it’s just a fantasy (a fantasy that I enjoy the hell out of!)
dumb domme says...

Sure, having an audience might be fun, but I’m pretty sure the idea turns me on because in my fantasy, my submissive not only enjoys watching, but he’s also jealous. He’s not fly-off-the-handle jealous or jealous in a way that makes him feel less desired, but jealous in a way that reinforces my desirability. I enjoy being the object of desire and I enjoy being the inspiration for measured jealousy because it reminds me I’m valued and wanted. The appeal of my sub watching me play with another sub is that it makes me feel good about myself — not that it makes my sub feel bad about himself.

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In the end, everyone — kinky or vanilla — is motivated by some form of desire. My desire is for my partner — to possess him and consume him; and also, for his emotional well-being, his physical/sexual satisfaction, and for the pleasure his mind and body can provide me.

Sure, I want him to feel good about himself because I love him. But I also want him to feel good about being wanted by me (I don’t want just any old submissive that comes down the line). I want him to be proud of his submission to me because I’m worthy of his submission (I’m far from perfect, but I’m a good dominant and a good partner).

While all of those things demonstrate that I desire him, ultimately, they reinforce the notion that I’m desirable.

(And in the end, it’s really all about me, isn’t it?)  :)

 

  21 Responses to “enacting desire (thoughts on cuckolding, tease and denial, and jealousy)”

  1. I loved reading how you broke down the aspects of desire. I’ve been thinking about this recently, and for Dominants and submissives alike, it makes sense that we all are playing together to feel desired and show our desire for one another. That was one aspect of my previous M/s dynamic that I loved. During our weekends together, I felt consumed by him. He was a physical sadist, so there was physical pain, but his desire was to possess and consume. Not degrade or deny (except for short stints in our scenes). It knocked my socks off every single time.

    • @Heather: Yes, yes, and yes!

      Thank you. I was afraid that was all terribly convoluted. I do want to consume, but part of that is playing “games” and sometimes part of that is sadistic and for the moment, cold. However, all of that is part of the practice of extremes that I find fascinating and satisfying about play–it enables me to embody different parts of my personality and live out different desires with the same person.

      As long as it’s all under the umbrella of a mutually respecting relationship (whether that’s a romantic relationship or a play partner relationship), it’s all good. :)

  2. I don’t like dominance by long-term denial. One, I want them to submit to ME, not their chastity device or their kink, and two, you know, I’d like to use it now and then. I agree with Peroxide’s view that female dominance should be about the dominant getting the kind of sex (and relationship) she wants rather than focusing on denying the men what they want.

    From what I’ve read, some women apparently don’t enjoy PIV, or consider that it befits their dominance, but I’m not one of them. How is denying myself some of the sex I like for extended periods of time = sex I want?

    I do like the idea of playing games with (short term) denial and teasing, to watch him squirm, knowing I made him do that, and watching him suffer for me. That’s part of how my desire for a submissive man works, as a dominant and a sadist. I would want him to enjoy it, too, because that’s part of what makes me happy: that he’s enjoying pleasing me and my demands, and ideally, enjoying what’s happening, too, overall.

    Cuckolding, like financial domination, does nothing for me, and while I think I understand better now how and why it’s a kink for some people, it doesn’t compute to me. That’s okay, NMK.

    (fingers crossed that this tag works correctly)

    In the end, everyone–kinky or vanilla–is motivated by some form of desire. My desire is for my partner–to possess him and consume him; and also, for his emotional well-being, his physical/sexual satisfaction, and for the pleasure his mind and body can provide me.

    Sure, I want him to feel good about himself because I love him. But I also want him to feel good about being wanted by me (I don’t want just any old submissive that comes down the line). I want him to be proud of his submission to me because I’m worthy of his submission (I’m far from perfect, but I’m a good dominant and a good partner).

    While all of those things demonstrate that I desire him, ultimately, they reinforce the notion that I’m desirable.

    Yes! To all of this!

    And I would add, that ultimately, it reinforces and demonstrates that dominant women are desirable because we’re our full selves, dominance and all. In a good relationship, it’s symbiotic, because for the submissive men, it reinforces and demonstrates that they’re desirable for themselves as all that they are.

    Most women know what it’s like to be a generalized, impersonal object of sexual desire by men from puberty onwards. Being a sexually dominant woman (whether in private and public, out or just in private) means that we have this part of ourselves that is not only not desired by many men but actively suppressed by our cultural standards’ definitions of what it means to be a standard or ideal woman.

    Submissive men, in return, have this part of themselves that is defined as antithetical to their received definitions of standard and idealized masculinity. So not only do they have the general male problem of not knowing what it’s like to be desired by the women around them, they have the added, specific problem of perhaps never knowing what it’s like to be desired for their submissive sexuality. Or, to only ever express and explore some of their sexuality in a commercial, commoditized, bottom-reinforcing context.

    Being in a good (or do I mean healthy? ideal?) F/m relationship means that both parties would be desired, in part, for these very personality traits (in addition to the rest of their awesome selves) that society has drilled into us as undesirable in our respective genders and sexes. To be desired, as I said, for being our full selves.

    /rant.

    I agree with you on how it feels to want to possess someone inside and out, and feel like I have gotten inside their head until I’m all they can think about. I see nothing wrong with this. ;)

    • @DomDomme: I realize that comment took a hell of a lot of time, but it’s worth it!

      “From what I’ve read, some women apparently don’t enjoy PIV, or consider that it befits their dominance, but I’m not one of them. How is denying myself some of the sex I like for extended periods of time = sex I want?”

      Yes! It’s one thing if a woman doesn’t particularly enjoy PIV sex, it’s something I enjoy, so I want it! I hate to do this, but I’m linking something I’ve already written. In the very beginning, I struggled with what I wanted vs. what I thought/read I was supposed to want. Among the things I enjoy is cock in any number of places. As I was struggling with my genuine appreciation for cock, I got a question on my “Q & A” page the “place” of oral sex (giving) in my exercise of dominance. In response, I wrote this: “Dommes Going Down”. My conclusion was that if I wanted a cock in my mouth, damn straight, I’d put a cock in my mouth. :)

      “And I would add, that ultimately, it reinforces and demonstrates that dominant women are desirable because we’re our full selves,”

      Yep. Couldn’t have said it better. I’m a whole person with lots of parts to my identity, often disparate wants, lots of varying desires, and too many facets of my persona to list. I’m a whole person, not just dominant in the bedroom/in relationships. I appreciate being wanted for everything that I am (at least, most of what I am!).

      “Submissive men, in return, have this part of themselves that is defined as antithetical to their received definitions of standard and idealized masculinity. So not only do they have the general male problem of not knowing what it’s like to be desired by the women around them, they have the added, specific problem of perhaps never knowing what it’s like to be desired for their submissive sexuality. Or, to only ever express and explore some of their sexuality in a commercial, commoditized, bottom-reinforcing context.”

      I have no history to speak of in BDSM, in the scene, or in trends and/or scholarship, but I have to believe the more “real” voices of dominant women AND submissive men that are out there, the better everyone will be. At the least, those voices present an alternative to what we see in porn (not saying that all porn is bad or not representative, nor saying that what’s presented in porn might not sometimes be real–but really, I can’t imagine there’s that many idealized Dommes out there as what I’ve seen floating around on the interwebs).

      “I agree with you on how it feels to want to possess someone inside and out, and feel like I have gotten inside their head until I’m all they can think about.”

      I’m working on it! Oh yes… I’m working on it. ;)

      Hey… thanks for the kick ass, thoughtful response! I appreciate it more than you know!

      • This comment’s much shorter: I pretty much agree with all of your points! :)

        I never understood how doing things someone else’s way was supposed to make me feel more in charge and dominant, either.

        I’m also with you on wanting to hear more voices in FD to provide an alternate information source for people. If I’d never run across other dommes’ blogs, I might never have even realized there was anything else but the porn representation of FD.

  3. We’re so similar, and yet, so different. When I fantasize about, say, my sub not just watching but actually arranging my sex with another sub, I don’t want her to be jealous at all. I want her to want me to get what I’m getting, for her to desire the fulfillment of my desires – sort of what the two subs you quote say, but on steroids. It’s not just that I want to be desired (though I do) – it’s that I want to be desired so much that whatever I desire is in turn desired.

    • @N. Likes: I think you said it well–we’re similar, yet so different.

      “I want her to want me to get what I’m getting, for her to desire the fulfillment of my desires”

      Ok, it’s kind of the same, but entirely different. :) I want my malesub to desire the fulfillment of my desires, but in reality, my desires don’t include play with another partner (with the exception of the girl, and in her case, I wouldn’t want my malesub to watch).

      My desire is to be desired–not objectified, but desired for what I am. My fantasy is only appealing to me for his jealousy, and by extension, for my feeling wanted. Even in fantasy, the other subs are props, only present to ignite his want, or at least, to make that want more visible to me.

      Sure, I want to be wanted so much that he wants what I want, but really, what I want is to be wanted.

      How’s that for repetitive and generally confusing? :)

      Good? I think my work here is done. :)

  4. A wonderful piece and great thoughtful comments!

    There are a couple related tangents off the ‘completely consuming’ angle that also appeal to me. One is (near) complete acceptance (of the good and bad). To completely consume or be consumed can carry with it a feeling that desire overwhelms and embraces all of the other person. We all have our rough spots and imperfections, but to feel such desire is in some ways (to me) to feel/give that acceptance.

    A second angle regards what might be called ‘elevation.’ I find that even in consuming, stripping bare, taking complete control of another, there can be this feeling of elevating that person – freeing, strengthening, empowering him/her. Maybe it’s partly through showing him/her that another person desires and accepts them completely.

    • @DC: “A second angle regards what might be called ‘elevation.’ I find that even in consuming, stripping bare, taking complete control of another, there can be this feeling of elevating that person – freeing, strengthening, empowering him/her. Maybe it’s partly through showing him/her that another person desires and accepts them completely.”

      I struggle with language like “empower,” as I have trouble separating it from concepts in theories of social construction. Plus, some part of me rallies against the idea that any one person “needs” empowerment granted at the hands of another. Of course, in my rational mind, I know that we don’t live in a vacuum. We’re all products of the social and cultural structures in which we were raised… but still, I have trouble assuming anyone can be both subjugated and empowered. Meh… it’s the rational part of my brain grappling with all of the phenomonological and emotional parts of my brain… :)

      With that said, yes. My emotional brain and sensory experience agrees–acceptance can be empowering, in any number of contexts.

      (note to self: “Screw you… rational brain!”)

  5. “Wanting to be desired” isn’t anything new, and it sure doesn’t confine itself to the D/s realm. That’s what makes us human, and certainly makes us civilized. Most of us want to be admired, respected, honored, revered, and simply viewed in a favorable light, by friends and strangers alike.

    When my wife teases me, my reaction makes her feel desired… in spades! But the reverse is true too. If she didn’t enjoy fondling me and stroking me, she’d simply roll over and go to sleep. To me, getting teased = undivided attention. Win Win!!!

    To your point regarding cuckolding, I couldn’t agree more. To me, that’s not just a case of emotional barbarism, it’s an act of profound betrayal. I’m not judging those who enjoy it, but just thinking about it never fails to leave me scratching my head. The optimist in me says it’s something much talked about on the internet, but seldom engaged in. So I hope that people are satisfied with the fantasy, without actually carrying it out. But maybe I’m being naive.

    There’s one thing you overlooked though. Since you only see J once a fortnight or so, of COURSE the last thing you want to do is to deny him, because you’d be denying yourself. But what if you were… ahem…. married?

    GENERALLY SPEAKING, men have the desire to cum more than women. If this is the case with you, I have a feeling that you’d enjoying T&D with him on your “off days” ;-)

    One final thought… when my wife lets me cum, I find my submission abates quite a bit, sometimes taking a full day to kick back into high gear. So during that interval, I’m not quite as attentive as she wants me to be, and (to address your “desirability theme” again), certainly not as lustful for her as I was either. We can’t have THAT now, can we???

    By limiting my orgasms (we don’t use nor need a device btw), she is keeping me wrapped around her little finger, ready to jump at the chance of serving her with every snap of her fingers. By controlling me physically, she solidifies her control over me mentally and emotionally.

    Would I like to cum every day (as I once did)??? HELL YES! Hey, it feels GREAT! But as wonderful as the physical sensation of orgasm is, it pales in comparison to the emotional euphoria of surrendering all that I have, to the only woman in the world that matters.

    Best,

    Jake

    • @Jake:

      “‘Wanting to be desired’ isn’t anything new, and it sure doesn’t confine itself to the D/s realm. That’s what makes us human, and certainly makes us civilized. Most of us want to be admired, respected, honored, revered, and simply viewed in a favorable light, by friends and strangers alike.”

      Yes, but the means by which I wish to be desired isn’t clear to me within the context of this relationship. I recognize that the way I desire (consumption) is different than it’s been in my past vanilla relationships.

      But, I have no idea what I want in terms of being desired–that isn’t so clear to me. I want to be desired, sure, but I’m not sure what form I want that desire to take. In the regards, this particular sort of “wanting to be desired” is new… at least, it’s new to me.

      “sometimes taking a full day to kick back into high gear. “

      Well, that sucks, doesn’t it? So, she makes you happy and you find yourself less driven to make her happy? While I understand that may be part of a dynamic that works for you and your partner, it might not be what ends up working for me.

      “of COURSE the last thing you want to do is to deny him, because you’d be denying yourself. But what if you were… ahem…. married? “

      While I understand the drive to ask “what if?”, I’m not the marrying type. But aside from that, I’m already getting almost no action… the possibility of any more would be a blessing. :)

      “Would I like to cum every day (as I once did)??? HELL YES! Hey, it feels GREAT! But as wonderful as the physical sensation of orgasm is, it pales in comparison to the emotional euphoria of surrendering all that I have, to the only woman in the world that matters.”

      Meh. I dislike this sort of statement. It suggests that your devotion and your happiness is tied to something so trivial as an orgasm. I understand that “surrendering all you have” gives you emotional euphoria, but I have to ask, what if she didn’t want you to surrender your orgasms? Would you still be just has happy serving her? Would you still be as devoted?

      I certainly hope you would be. I hope my malesub would be just as happy entertaining me with his orgasms as he would be entertaining me without.

    • @Jake: “GENERALLY SPEAKING, men have the desire to cum more than women”

      Huh? And may I add, WTF?

      Women don’t want/desire to orgasm? Really. This is news to me. Or, perhaps I’m a freak.

      I think you had better reconsider your thinking on that matter, Jake. :)

      • Well now…

        Since you’re not sure what “being desired” means to you, I’ll give myself a pass for not understanding what the heck you’re talking about.

        Do you want him to lust for you physically?
        Do you want him to spend his free time thinking about you?
        Do you want him to find you intellectually stimulating, witty, and a joy to be around?

        Seems to me that you’re over thinking all this, but maybe the discussion is so lofty, it’s going over my head.

        “So, she makes you happy and you find yourself less driven to make her happy?”

        With all due respect, for someone who has boasted of her own skill with writing words, you could do with some improvement when it comes to reading them. I said MY SUBMISSION wanes following orgasm. You recently said that you spend a lot of time perusing the internet for BDSM related material, so I’m surprised that this phenomenon is new to you, as it is VERY common. As a matter of fact, if you look at the comment by Alan, below mine, he echoed my sentiments in this matter.

        “Less driven to make her happy”?… Please. Just because orgasm has the temporary effect of making me less submissive, I still put her happiness above all else. So while I might balk at walking on white hot coals for her, red hot ones are still doable. Here’s the point I was attempting to make… she LIKES having the power to keep me in a constant state of “white hot willing” (and so do I).

        “Huh? And may I add, WTF? Women don’t want/desire to orgasm? Really. This is news to me. Or, perhaps I’m a freak”

        Again, you really should read more thoroughly before rushing off to glibly misquote. I didn’t say that women don’t want to orgasm. I said that men want to MORE. I also put “generally speaking” in CAPS for obvious reasons, as there are always exceptions.

        Consider this hypothetical complaint: “I want more sex, but my partner is unwilling”… Do you honestly think that a woman would be equally likely to voice such a lament as a man would? Walk into any adult bookstore and compare the number of selections aimed at heterosexual men, vs. heterosexual women. Are they equal? If not, why do you think that is?

        Lastly, maybe I wasn’t clear enough, but you completely misunderstood my final point. Nobody was “trivializing” anything. To put it another way, if I had to forgo orgasm for the rest of my life in order to maintain the privilege of serving her, I’d do it in a second.

        Serving her is all that matters, and it takes a backseat to anything that I would want, including orgasm.

        Best,

        Jake

  6. Wow! You hit it out of the park on this one. I am so glad to read this post as well as the great comments. Very well presented. As a newly realize sub male I am (discovered this part of me much too late in life) I have been trying to work through much of what you have discussed. It is very helpful for to see it put into words that resonate so well. Until today, I would have said that qualified as a cuckold due to my strong desire to see my wife pleased which includes her being with other men. And yes, men with more sexual prowess. I don’t get a sense of jealousy, but rather elation from her pleasure. I sure don’t claim to understand this well but it is the case for me.

    When it comes to orgasm denial I am with Jake completely. As a man the desire to orgasm is almost always present and it is a tremendous feeling. But to be teased by my wife, fondled, stoked and then left to linger in that state of arousal until it subsides to a dull roar in my mind and body is the ultimate for me. I feel desired by her in a way that shows her understand of me and my desires. I would way rather feel on edge and the craving to serve her that it produces in me than the climax and the following lax motivation to serve it produces.

    Thank you for the post and for all of the comments. Very nice.

    alan

    • @alan:

      “As a newly realize sub male I am (discovered this part of me much too late in life)”

      It’s never too late! Thank goodness you discovered this part of yourself now, rather than years down the road. Congratulations to you!

      “qualified as a cuckold due to my strong desire to see my wife pleased which includes her being with other men. And yes, men with more sexual prowess. I don’t get a sense of jealousy, but rather elation from her pleasure. I sure don’t claim to understand this well but it is the case for me.”

      I think there’s a big difference between sharing your partner for her pleasure and being a cuckold. Being cuckolded–at least in common usage–comes with additional humiliation, lowered self-esteem, and general feelings of low self-worth. There’s an emotional component with cuckolding that isn’t present with swinging or sharing or having an open relationship.

      I’m certainly no expert, but wanting to see and share in your wife’s elation and sexual satisfaction doesn’t sound like cuckolding to me. If you want her sexually satisfied but neither you nor she is turned on by the idea of humiliating or devaluing you, then I don’t think that qualifies as cuckolding.

      I dunno. I could be way out of line here, but sharing seems like something entirely different than being cuckolded.

      “I feel desired by her in a way that shows her understand of me and my desires. I would way rather feel on edge and the craving to serve her that it produces in me than the climax and the following lax motivation to serve it produces.”

      Yes! Forget everything I said and all of the labels out there. What’s best for you and your partner are those feelings and practices that work best for you and your partner. If cuckolding makes you both happy, fantastic! If sharing makes you both happy, great! As long as you understand each other, respect each other’s needs, and treat each other with respect, then it doesn’t matter what label you put on it… it’s love, plain and simple. :)

  7. And again you have written my words. I have no desire to deny my boy long term and I do not think it would advantage either of us to do it but man alive it is sweet to see that look on his face when he knows it is time to tell me that if I don’t stop he will orgasm without permission.

    Like you I enjoy PIV and really struggled in the beginning with the fact that everything I read said “No PIV” yet it was what I wanted. Then I realised that I am the author of “Elsie’s Book of Sex” ;)

    I like a little humiliation in my fantasies but thankfully so does my boy so it is not an issue between us but I have no desire to degrade him in public or to make him think less of himself or think that I think less of him.

    I want him to know always that I desire him, that I want him close to me, that he is a wonderful addition to my life.

    I am a good Domme. I have no desire to be a bitch.

  8. Yes, yes, YES! I agree almost completely with you! I have never had the desire for any ignoring/cuckolding on either side/any party. I understand other people enjoy that, but I never could. I’m so glad to see others agree, and it was wonderful to read your thoughts on all of these things. Another fantastic post!

  9. ok, I know I’m late to the party on this (just came across your blog) – but, you’re domme-y AND speak lacanian? my god. I think I just died.

    • @inrocn: I speak Lacan far more fluently than Domme. :)

      Also, there’s a party?!?! Perhaps my invite got lost in the mail… :)

  10. you described my submisiveness Perfectly.

    I have never heard anyone describe it that way.

    I am hooked Thank you

  11. @ouhpoorbaby: Thank you for the kind words!

    I realize everyone has their own understanding of what it means to be dominant or submissive, and certainly, we all have our own means of practicing our roles, but it’s nice to hear that what I wrote reflects the way someone else feels… especially someone on the other side of the slash!

    Thanks for the comment. :)

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