Yes. I had (and continue to have) some website issues that have kept me from writing.
But if I’m honest, I’ve also felt uninspired and a little blue lately.
I miss boy and at the moment, I’m feeling kinda Emo Domme.
It has nothing to do with J (at least not directly,) and nothing to do with the relationship. We’re fine. He’s subbish, sweet, and attentive in all the ways he is able to be at a distance, and I’m as sexually frustrated, insanely lustful, and obsessive as I’ve ever been.
It’s not the distance that gets me down. I’m used to the fact we can’t see each other as often as we’d like. I don’t love it, but in general, I’m okay with it.
It’s not him, it’s not me, and it’s not the distance.
It’s the disappointment.
It fucking destroys me when I allow myself to think we might be able to see each other, plans fall apart, and then I’m left with disproportionately crushing disappointment over something that wasn’t even likely in the first place. On top of that, I feel stupid for getting excited about something so tentative and feel weak for allowing it to affect me as much as it does. Most of the time I’m okay with it… but right now? Right now it fucking sucks.
Until I can see him again, I’ll continue burying myself in my work (not as if I have another option), I’ll be patient, and I’ll try to be more careful about allowing my emotions to get the better of me.
When I do get to see him, I have half a mind to tie him down, sit on his chest, and never let him leave again.
(Is it odd I find that thought really comforting? And see what just happened there? I can feel Emo Domme drifting away already… )