Sep 192012
 

Yes. I had (and continue to have) some website issues that have kept me from writing.

But if I’m honest, I’ve also felt uninspired and a little blue lately.

I miss boy and at the moment, I’m feeling kinda Emo Domme.

It has nothing to do with J (at least not directly,) and nothing to do with the relationship. We’re fine. He’s subbish, sweet, and attentive in all the ways he is able to be at a distance, and I’m as sexually frustrated, insanely lustful, and obsessive as I’ve ever been.

It’s not the distance that gets me down. I’m used to the fact we can’t see each other as often as we’d like. I don’t love it, but in general, I’m okay with it.

It’s not him, it’s not me, and it’s not the distance.

It’s the disappointment.

It fucking destroys me when I allow myself to think we might be able to see each other, plans fall apart, and then I’m left with disproportionately crushing disappointment over something that wasn’t even likely in the first place. On top of that, I feel stupid for getting excited about something so tentative and feel weak for allowing it to affect me as much as it does. Most of the time I’m okay with it… but right now? Right now it fucking sucks.

Until I can see him again, I’ll continue burying myself in my work (not as if I have another option), I’ll be patient, and I’ll try to be more careful about allowing my emotions to get the better of me.

When I do get to see him, I have half a mind to tie him down, sit on his chest, and never let him leave again.

(Is it odd I find that thought really comforting? And see what just happened there? I can feel Emo Domme drifting away already… )

:)

  8 Responses to “Emo Domme”

  1. I see my boy way more than you see yours but I share that feeling of wanting to lock the gate when he arrives and never let him go home. I also get so sad when he can’t arrive until Saturday lunchtime rather than Friday evening… WTF! he is still visiting but I am sad for missing 18 hours :(

    I also feel the disappointment every Thursday. He plays music on a Thursday night and I have be happy with listening to him sing/play over the phone which is just not enough :(

    • @Miss: I know exactly what you mean about being disappointed to lose the 18 hours that you could have had. I just explained something similar to J. When I have no hope for more time, I’m typically okay with it. It’s when there’s a chance I might get some time, and then that chance disappears, that’s what destroys me.

      Really, hope is bumming me out. :)

    • Man.. I’m feeling rather selfish! I so understand the same disappointment, yet we LIVE together! LOL

      But it generally creeps it’s ugly head in when we’re running a million miles an hour and though we ‘see’ each other… we’re not getting the needed quality time.

      • @Ms. Maggie: “I so understand the same disappointment, yet we LIVE together!”

        Disappointment is disappointment, no matter the distance.

        “creeps it’s ugly head in when we’re running a million miles an hour and though we ‘see’ each other… we’re not getting the needed quality time.”

        Believe it or not, that a tarnished silver lining on the dark cloud of not having as much time as we’d like: It’s almost impossible to take one each other for granted. When we do get time, damn straight, it’s focused, intense, and used to the fullest. :)

  2. *sigh* I know this feeling all to well. And that’s why I stand behind my theory that feelings suck.

    • “And that’s why I stand behind my theory that feelings suck.”

      Agreed. My approach is to drown them in vodka and then bury them in chocolate cake.

  3. Crushed hopes are especially good grilled with some balsamic. That’s just what I’ve found.

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