Sep 302012
 

After a long hiatus…. For your amusement (and for your information), I present the twenty-first installment in Dumb Domme’s BDSM Lexicon, “Hard and Soft Limits.” View all past entries here.
 


hard and soft limits, n. plural/hɑrd æn(d) sɒft ˈlɪmɪts/ (IPA)   [hahrd and sawft lim-its] (spelled)

Definitions: 

hard limit, n.: An activity or practice that is absolutely off-limits for a player.

soft limit, n.: An activity or practice that may be negotiated or engaged in under special circumstances.


Usage:

“She still has flashbacks from when she had her salad tossed. Now ranch dressing is one of her hard limits.”

“No, I’m really sorry, but having sex with you is a hard limit. I just can’t do it.”

“Being filmed having sex is one of her soft limits. She’ll do it, but only if she has a hair and makeup team, professional lighting, full editorial control, and distribution rights for the finished product. I realized within two minutes that my iPhone camera wasn’t going to cut it.”


Discussion:

iron cock doorstop

cock doorstop

There are far too many people out there who claim to have no limits–they say they are up for any type of use and abuse a dominant can dream up…

You want me to control your cock in whatever way I choose? How about I use your cock as a doorstop? Are you okay with that? 

You want me to use your face however I want? How about I use your face as a pincushion? Is that okay with you?

You want to give me your body to use for my own pleasure? How about I use your body for paintball target practice? Is that cool with you?

Unless you want to wind up covered in paint and bruises with pins in your face and your cock slammed in the door, you should probably admit there are things you aren’t okay with–you have limits.


Does
Dumb Domme Have Limits?:

Yes. My hard limits include furries, My Little Pony play, Steely Dan, and a number of others that are far less interesting. I guess I have “soft limits” too, but they haven’t really come up in this particular relationship. Our play/sex preferences match up well, so I haven’t had to give much thought to doing things I’m not sure I’m into.


Does J Have Limits?:

He has hard limits and nothing else. Of course, he has likes and dislikes, but I don’t consider them “soft limits.” The concept isn’t particularly useful to me in the context of this relationship. We’re in a longer-term relationship where our preferences match up well, and I’m not interesting in having to persuade my submissive to do something he doesn’t want to do (particularly considering we’re at a point where I’ve earned his trust and proven that I care about his wants and needs). Besides all of that, our relationship works under the premise that he wants want I want, and for that reason, soft limits aren’t a part of the relationship.

With that said, of course he’s got lots of preferences. For example, he really doesn’t like wearing a hood–the tightness and restriction, the lack of sensory input, and the fact that it puts me in a headspace where I can really objectify him–it freaks him out. Months ago, he said so, and I haven’t pressured him to put it on, but I have kept it out and ready, just in case. Over the course of a couple of months, he realized I hadn’t mentioned it, and now he’s asking for it, in part because he knows it’s something I like that I’m not getting, and in part because he’s learned that I won’t push him to do something he’s genuinely uncomfortable with.

And now he’s practically begging for it. Imagine that? And oh how I like it when he begs… especially when he begs me for something I’ll enjoy because he’s decided he wants what I want. :) Good boy…

 


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images:  giant ranch dressing, bpkelsey    iron cock doorstop, Rakuten    furry, unknown    dominatrix My Little Pony, Sargent D [expired link]   Steely Dan, Musical Stew Daily

 

  10 Responses to “BDSM Lexicon Entry #21: Hard and Soft Limits”

  1. It’s interesting how limits change when they’re contrasted against what our partner desires. Being uncollared has been interesting because those limits that I honored from my ex-Dom no longer exist. The patterns that I created around them are no longer helpful. What’s a slave to do? Stay away from the ranch dressing, I suppose. *shiver*

    • @Heather: Boxing up all of your unused Ranch dressing and sending it back to your ex-Dom (along with your Debbie GIbson CDs) is part of healing and moving on. ;)

  2. I looooove your Usage examples (“I realized within two minutes that my iPhone camera wasn’t going to cut it.” Ha ha ha!) and discussion of Why Yes You Do Have Hard Limits. I figure that those who claim “I have no limits” seriously lack imagination. None of the things that you list are likely to be in their mind when they fantasize about how they’ll be used, for instance.

    • @Week Bi Week: You know, you’re right. They just want someone to work out their kinks. I just wish they realized that when I fantasize about how I might use them, their cocks are slammed in the door. If they only knew… :)

  3. I love this entry! :)

    Also, gotta love when J begs like that. Sounds beautiful and lovely to me.

  4. PONIES!!!

    Yup, that’s all I got. :)

    • @Lily: I expect more from you. I expected:

      ZOMG!! PONIES!!!1!

      • How about ZOMG! PWNIES! Silly Fluttershy, you’re supposed to be a submissive.

        Serious note, why not cover requirement limits? Or is this a concept unique to me? If it is sorry. It is things that a scene or dynamic MUST contain. For example, I must be allowed to bite in scene negotiation and in dynamic’s they will agree to being dressed as a matching pony.

  5. Serious note, why not cover requirement limits

    Because “requirement limits” doesn’t make sense (does it?). “Requirements” are things you must have, and “limits” are things you won’t do. They seem like different topics to me, but I’m not exactly an expert (as I think I’ve proven… over and over and over again…) :)

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