Aug 092012
 

I arrived at the restaurant a half an hour later than I had promised.

I didn’t mean to be late–in fact, I left the office a few hours early to take care of some things before meeting him. After work, I drove to my favorite fetish shop and purchased some new gear and a few new toys and then went straight home to get everything set up.

I prefer to have things ready before J comes over–I adore watching his reactions when he walks into the bedroom and sees everything laid out and set up for us. Sometimes he flashes a beautiful smile and then tries to conceal his excitement. Other times, his eyes go wide and he can’t hide his nervousness. My favorite reaction is some combination of the two–excitement and nerves–particularly when he realizes I’ve purchased some sort of gear he never expected or an implement he never imagined I’d be interested in. Sometimes I think he underestimates me, and I’ve come to enjoy watching his mental process when he realizes his error.

As I approached him at the restaurant, I saw an empty highball glass on the bar and another (nearly empty) glass in his hand. His back was to me, and for a second, I considered turning around and leaving–on date nights, J isn’t permitted to drink alcohol without my permission. When he asks, I almost always allow it. For me, it’s not about wanting to control whether or not he has a drink, but more about knowing how much he’s had. On occasion, it’s about me wanting to alter his headspace on my own, by whatever means I choose.

It was disappointing to learn that before we even had the chance to say hello, J had already broken a rule. I fucking hate it when he does that–it puts me in a terrible situation. I know I should “punish” him by refusing to see him and/or refusing to play with him, but I don’t get to see J that often–refusing to play with him means I don’t get to play. Denying him the opportunity to see me means I don’t get to see him. For those reasons, punishing him means punishing myself.

I was disappointed, but I wasn’t willing to miss out on seeing him.

Fuck it, I thought.

I sat down and kissed his cheek. I didn’t say anything or look at him right away, but instead, I got the bartender’s attention.

“Vodka tonic with lemon for me… ”

I turned my head deliberately and looked at the drink in J’s hand before turning back to the bartender.

“… and another scotch for him… neat… a double please.”

As the bartender turned away to prepare our drinks, J said something about waiting for me, knowing I generally give him permission to have a drink…

I cut him off mid-sentence and turned to face him, but didn’t let my expression betray my disappointment.

“I’m not going to let it ruin our evening, but don’t do it again. Do you understand?”

“Yes Ma’am. I’m sor… ”

I waived his apology away with my hand as our drinks arrived…

[read “dressing Domme, part 2]

 


More Erotica…

dressing domme, 2

“Take off your clothes, fold them, and leave them there.” His clothes were off in less than sixty seconds. He stood naked in the hall, waiting for his next instruction… [read more]

good girl

When the house lights went down and the front lights went up, I wrapped my hand around her neck and tasted her. I was gentle, giving her a moment to open up to me… [read more]

dinner party

He writhed while pumped his cock with my other hand. After a few moments, he arched his back and tried to fuck himself against my hand… [read more]

 

  16 Responses to “dressing Domme, part 1”

  1. Like that firm hand.

    Mick

  2. J struggles with obedience a fair bit doesn’t he? Every time you write something like this, I want to tell him “C’mon man, stop fucking it up already and do as your told.”

    I get your not wanting to punish yourself by punishing him, but does there has got to be a way to encourage better behavior.

    • @Peroxide: “J struggles with obedience a fair bit doesn’t he?”

      No. I don’t think so. We have issues here and there, but nothing major for a while now. This was minor, and most of the time, I can let the little stuff go. I’m sure someone will tell me it’s the beginning of a slippery slope, (and that might be true,) but I don’t have the time or energy to sweat the small stuff. Of course, I might have a different response on a different day…

      “there has got to be a way to encourage better behavior.”

      I’ve thought about this a lot, and I don’t think there is a better way for me to encourage better behavior. I do the best I can with what I have–I’m working on being the sort of dominant that encourages good behavior by being worthy of good behavior. In general, I don’t want to punish–it’s not fun and I don’t enjoy it, and besides that, it doesn’t seem to work for us.

    • Oh, and also, keep in mind I’m more likely to note an instance of bad behavior here on the blog than an instance of good behavior. Good stuff happens all the time, but it’s not all that interesting to write about (or read about, I imagine).

      • Ah, I see. That does paint a rather one sided picture.

        I simply could not fathom why J wouldn’t be so thrilled by your awesomeness that he would find it impossible to even consider misbehaving.

  3. Well done. Very well done.

  4. I work in a bar and have observed “lifestyle” couples who disagree about drinking and the rules that are broken. I appreciate your insight that you really don’t want to throw a wet blanket on a date at the very start of a fulfilling weekend for both. Instead, look at the cause of his errant drinking – he may be dependent on you to set the direction for his behavior while he waits for you. Modify your rule explicitly (i.e., don’t leave him with the impression that you will let him get away with it) – and couple it with a reward. “Dave, if you refrain from drinking alcohol while you are waiting for me, I will give you an extra special treat tonight”. Let him drink coffee or mineral water and munch on peanuts to cool his anxiety and reward him for his obedience. Most bars in my area will serve non-alcoholic beverages without insulting those who want to keep their head clear before and during a play session.

    • @Dave:

      “Instead, look at the cause of his errant drinking – he may be dependent on you to set the direction for his behavior while he waits for you”

      First, he has explicit directions for his behavior while he waits (in terms of drinking, at least). The “no drinking” thing is one of the rules.

      “don’t leave him with the impression that you will let him get away with it”

      Yes. That would be the right thing to do. However, with a lack of punishments available for us, and my lack of wanting to punish, I understand it’s my own fault in letting him get away with such things. Letting him slide on minor rules is one of the things I do to save my sanity.

      “and couple it with a reward. “Dave, if you refrain from drinking alcohol while you are waiting for me, I will give you an extra special treat tonight.”

      No. The reward thing wont work for me (or for us). First off, he’s a big boy and should be able to do what little I ask without having to attach specific rewards. He should want to do what I ask. Second, in a good many ways, I’m a very good dominant–I attend to his needs, I’m flexible, and I’m generous. I made sure his physical and emotional needs are met, I’m more than willing hear and take suggestions about play or anything else, he’s encouraged to make requests, and I’m generous with my love, my time and attention, and my money (it’s neither here nor there, but by my choice, I pay for everything–dinners out, drinks, movies, expensive toys and gear, etc.)

      For those reasons, I won’t give him rewards in exchange for particular instances of good behavior. I am the reward for his good behavior in general. :) The relationship, my kindness, and my love are his rewards.

      “Let him drink coffee or mineral water and munch on peanuts to cool his anxiety”

      Oh! I do hope this was clear from what I’ve written, but perhaps it wasn’t. Of course he’s permitted to eat and drink all the non-alcoholic beverages he wants. When I say “no drink,” it means alcohol. I just don’t want him impaired or drunk without my knowledge (it’s dangerous). When we’re together (and I can keep tabs on his consumption, we both drink adult beverages… liberally.

  5. “I am the reward for his good behavior in general. :) The relationship, my kindness, and my love are his rewards.”

    That is really all that you need to say, D. I’m not going to judge him or his (mis)behavior. You have relatively simple demands that you should expext to be met and when they are not, you obviously have have right to be upset.

    Michael

    • @Michael:

      “That is really all that you need to say, D”

      Yes! I should be reward enough for him. :)

      “You have relatively simple demands that you should expext to be met and when they are not, you obviously have have right to be upset.”

      Little things are disappointing, but they don’t upset me (unless there are a few “little things” in a row). It may come back to bite me in the ass, but I’m learning to let the small, disappointing stuff go so I don’t ruin bigger, awesome stuff.

      All in all, he’s a good boy for me, and that’s what I focus on. :)

  6. My first response was “J is so bad!” with a smile on my face. I rarely misbehave on purpose, usually it’s because I slip up by accident. My ex-Dom could read me so well that he ignored some things so we could enjoy the larger scene. The two times I misbehaved deliberately, my ex-Dom knew the perfect response. It was brilliant and painful, and I loved him for it. D, your writing is so good as always. I really, really, REALLY want to know what happens next. xo

    • @Heather:

      “I rarely misbehave on purpose, usually it’s because I slip up by accident”

      J isn’t the “accident” type. Typically, when something like this happens, it’s because he “thought I meant something else,” or because he didn’t take me as seriously as he should. Should I believe all that? Or care? Meh. :)

      “My ex-Dom could read me so well that he ignored some things so we could enjoy the larger scene. “

      Yes! This! I let things go so I can enjoy the 95% happy parts of the relationship.

      “The two times I misbehaved deliberately,”

      This? This would be entirely new territory for me. J has never admitted to disobedience on purpose (and I believe him). I imagine the two times you reference are “small” things… right? All the same, at this stage in our relationship, and regardless of whether it was an “insignificant” disobedience (during a scene, perhaps) or a larger, more hurtful disobedience (something that adversely affected the relationship), I don’t imagine I’d be very forgiving in either instance.

      If it was a big thing, I’d expect him to talk to me first. If he purposefully disobeyed on a big thing, I think that would be a sign that the relationship isn’t working, and it would be over.

      Hey Heather… you got any blog post about your “two times” you misbehaved? I’m interested in knowing more about the details.

      whether it was some small disobe

  7. Do you think that because you have a tendency to let little things go sometimes that he uses that tendency to see what he can get away with from time to time?

    I don’t mean deliberate disobedience but rather more of a pushing of the boundries.

    Perhaps one thing that may help is to have him write one hunred times or so “I will not… ” I would consider this a tedious and somewhat unpleasent punishment while at the same time, you would not have to deny yourself playtime by “punishing” him with no play.

    • @Slapshot:

      “Do you think that because you have a tendency to let little things go sometimes that he uses that tendency to see what he can get away with from time to time?”

      Perhaps. And so be it. If it’s important to him to push those boundaries, he can push them until he’s exhausted. I’m just not sure what the purpose might be in trying to get away with stuff–what’s the point in pushing boundaries? (at least, what might be the point in this particular situation…?)

      “Perhaps one thing that may help is to have him write one hunred times or so “I will not… ” I would consider this a tedious and somewhat unpleasent punishment while at the same time, you would not have to deny yourself playtime by “punishing” him with no play.”

      I realize that setting guidelines and determining punishments is supposed to be part of my responsibility as the dominant partner. But after this long, I think I’m ready to admit I’m not that sort of dominant. I have no problem setting up “rules,” but I expect them to be followed. I’m not going to punish a grown man for ignoring such a simple, easy request. It makes me feel silly.

      It’s his choice to be submissive–I can’t force him. Little things like the feel too much like a game to me and I’m disinterested in playing games.

      At this point, I’m making a conscious decision to ignore the small stuff to save my sanity.

      Of course, I imagine it may come back to bite me in the ass, and I’ll figure that out when the time comes.

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