Aug 282012
 

The boy is a selfish submissive, a fact which doesn’t often bother me, as his ubiquitous want and my ability to grant or deny him keeps me running hot and wet.

He begs, which doesn’t often bother me, because I enjoy the ability to decide whether to indulge him or to ignore him.

But at the end of our play time the other night, he asked, “Can I try to make you come, Ma’am?”

That bothered me.

A couple of possible responses flew through my head:

Sure, you can try, but you’ll fail.
Sure, you can try, but I’ll fail.

I kept my mouth shut, but staying silent didn’t make my thoughts disappear. Why even try when I’ll end up frustrated, splayed, and left feeling vulnerable? I don’t enjoy any of those feelings. Why try when it will fail?

I can’t demand he bring me to orgasm because I’m fairly sure I can’t make it happen. I don’t like demanding (or asking) when I don’t already know the response (not his response, my response). I don’t know what to tell him to do make it happen. I can’t command him because I don’t know the commands… it’s nobody’s fault. It just is. It’s the one thing I can’t control and I fucking hate it.

I’ve told him not to use that language again. He’s not allowed to ask: “Can I try to make you come?” The answer will be “no.” He can try to pleasure me, he can make me feel good, but he may not attempt to make me come. That language is too loaded for me–it’s too much pressure. But, if he just wants to make me happy, if he wants to make me feel good… he may certainly ask for that.

  9 Responses to “can I try to make you come?”

  1. There’s something wrong, here. I’m not sure just what it is. But it’s not as difficult as it’s being made out to be. Special equipment and bottled oxygen aren’t required in order to allow you to come. You’re not a Mt. Everest Project, requiring months of planning and strategies. I could have you coming on the beach with nothing more than a cantelope and a warm sweater. I think you worry too much about the finishing line.
    eric

    • ” I could have you coming on the beach with nothing more than a cantelope and a warm sweater.”

      Fuck. What if I only have a honeydew and a light jacket? Will that still work?

      • I’m fucked! I hate sand… no way he could make me come so!

        • Now you know why you’re broken, Elsie. You don’t like sand and you don’t have Eric, super-orgasm-giver in your life. If only we could all share him and his cantaloupes…

          *sigh*

          [end sarcasm] :)

  2. D… I know exactly how you feel. I am also broken. Thankfully ken got the idea at the beginning that his goal is not to make me orgasm, it is just to make sure that I am enjoying myself. If, on the rare occasion, I orgasm then great but he never asks if I did nor does he beat himself up if I don’t. The latter privelage is reserved for myself.

    • “The latter privelage is reserved for myself.”

      Ha! Perfect. I think I’ll try to live my that mantra… I’m the only person who is allowed to do the beating (beating myself up, or others).

      :)

  3. I so get it. I haven’t orgasms at the hand/mouth/whatever of someone else in a long time. It hasn’t happened with Iris, and I don’t expect it to. When you know it’s not going to happen, it makes you not want to try in the first place because it’s setting you both up for disappointment. And if you’re anything like me, you have a stubborn streak that says “well it’s just not going to happen so I’m not trying, so shut up about, OK?!” It bothers me though, because I really, really miss being able to orgasm and not having a direct hand in it. It wasn’t a problem until the last year and a half, and well, Iris doesn’t like doing what gets me off, and if he doesn’t like it then I can’t get in the right headspace to enjoy it and we just end up frustrated and really, just fuck that.

    I don’t like to think there’s anything wrong with us. I think we just aren’t people who orgasm when a strong gust of wind blows by, and we shouldn’t feel bad about that, because it’s not a flaw.

    • “I don’t like to think there’s anything wrong with us. I think we just aren’t people who orgasm when a strong gust of wind blows by, and we shouldn’t feel bad about that, because it’s not a flaw.”

      Of course, you’re 100% right on this, but it’s easier said than felt. I do feel bad about it because it’s something we both want, but can’t quite manage. While he says it doesn’t make him feel bad, it certainly doesn’t make him feel good, either.

      I am fortunate in that J is a giver (and fucking loves it more than I do), I just doesn’t happen.

      I’m trying to refocus on just feeling good instead of getting there. I’m a work in progress (as if that wasn’t apparent).

  4. I think you touch on something that’s often left out of the mix on this issue – it’s hard as a dominant to feel both vulnerable and somewhat broken. Neither is a great feeling, and add that to the pressure…

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