The boy is a selfish submissive, a fact which doesn’t often bother me, as his ubiquitous want and my ability to grant or deny him keeps me running hot and wet.
He begs, which doesn’t often bother me, because I enjoy the ability to decide whether to indulge him or to ignore him.
But at the end of our play time the other night, he asked, “Can I try to make you come, Ma’am?”
That bothered me.
A couple of possible responses flew through my head:
Sure, you can try, but you’ll fail.
Sure, you can try, but I’ll fail.
I kept my mouth shut, but staying silent didn’t make my thoughts disappear. Why even try when I’ll end up frustrated, splayed, and left feeling vulnerable? I don’t enjoy any of those feelings. Why try when it will fail?
I can’t demand he bring me to orgasm because I’m fairly sure I can’t make it happen. I don’t like demanding (or asking) when I don’t already know the response (not his response, my response). I don’t know what to tell him to do make it happen. I can’t command him because I don’t know the commands… it’s nobody’s fault. It just is. It’s the one thing I can’t control and I fucking hate it.
I’ve told him not to use that language again. He’s not allowed to ask: “Can I try to make you come?” The answer will be “no.” He can try to pleasure me, he can make me feel good, but he may not attempt to make me come. That language is too loaded for me–it’s too much pressure. But, if he just wants to make me happy, if he wants to make me feel good… he may certainly ask for that.