Aug 302012

But after a little while, he came up with a funny look on his face. I watched him as his tongue worked back and forth inside his mouth… and I got nervous.

Fuck… did I forget to rinse all the soap off? Did I leave a washcloth in there or something? … [read more]

Aug 292012

To me, “out of control” is a lot different than “not in control.” Out of control feels like a place where no one and no thing has any more or less authority than anything else. Nothing seems to be motivating the action–but the action moves at a blinding pace all the same. It just sort of… happens. There were (are) times when I top J (literally on top of him) and I’m overcome with the urge to bite, to scratch, to strike. I want to possess him visibly and violently. In those moments, when I’m desperate to mark and hungry … [read more]

Aug 282012

The boy is a selfish submissive, a fact which doesn’t often bother me, as his ubiquitous want and my ability to grant or deny him keeps me running hot and wet. He begs, which doesn’t often bother me, because I enjoy the ability to decide whether to indulge him or to ignore him. But at the end of our play time the other night, he asked, “Can I try to make you come, Ma’am?” That bothered me. A couple of possible responses flew through my head: Sure, you can try, but you’ll fail. Sure, you can try, but I’ll fail. … [read more]

Aug 272012

“I love you, but, because inexplicably I love in you something more than you — the objet petit a — I mutilate you.” ~Jacques Lacan, Seminar Book XI: The Four Fundamental Concepts of Psychoanalysis I’ve always had a bit of a soft spot for French theorists (generally semioticians and feminists), but recently, I’ve developed a bad habit of haphazardly applying some of their major theoretical contributions to my own experiences.[1] But of course, I’m a self-centered (amateur) theorist in my own right, and my chief interest is self-interest. (If theory + practice = praxis, perhaps that makes me more of … [read more]

Aug 222012

Q: “I haven’t met you, and this is crazy, but I think I love you, so peg me maybe?”

A: Unfortunately, the answer is “no.” I haven’t met you, and you are crazy, while I like your comment, I wont peg you maybe.… [read more]