I’m still out of town for business/pleasure/torture/fun. It’s not a great time for writing (I really should go to sleep–I’m exhausted), and conditions aren’t ideal (I might get faster wi-fi with two paper cups and a string). But, I heard something last night that made me revisit a sort of identity crisis I’ve been having about the blog.
Last night, I downloaded the latest Masocast episode, curled into bed, and intended to listen for a bit before going to sleep. Just a few minutes into the podcast, I heard my “name.” I don’t think I’ve ever heard it spoken aloud before, and hearing it made me cringe a little. It had nothing to do with Axe’s smooth baritone delivery–it was the words that made me wince: “Dumb Domme.”
Dumb Domme. Motherfuck. What was I thinking?
I guess “Dumb Domme” is my identity… but I don’t know if it’s my “name.” Am I Dumb Domme? I guess so. Fuck.
When I started writing here almost a year ago, I chose “D” as my lettre de plume–my “blog author name”–because I didn’t give it much thought, nor did I imagine my “name” might be important to me later on. Honestly, I used up all of my creativity in coming up with the blog title, so I didn’t have much left to use on thinking up a name.
“D” seemed adequate, but since then, I’ve realized there’s already a Dee (Curvaceous Dee), a DD (Dishevelled Domina), a DDD (Dick Dyke Dick), and now there’s a DomDomme, too. “D” didn’t really catch on anyway, so I can’t be “D.” But, I don’t want to be “Dumb Domme” either. It’s not that I regret the blog title–I think “Dumb Domme” speaks to my inexperience, willingness to poke fun at myself, and my approach to particular topics and issues I discuss here. I believe I summed it up very early on: sometimes I do dumb shit. Sure, I know there’s going to be a ‘dumb’ joke here and there, and actually, I think I make most of them myself.
But I’m sick of fuck sticks emailing and messaging me with: “Hello. May I call you dumb? (tee hee!)” as if that was clever or as if it was the first time I’d heard that. I got unreasonably ticked off when a fellow blogger (someone with a far larger readership than I), referenced a link I had sent her in a post and called me “a Dumb Domme”–she didn’t call me Dumb Domme, the Dumb Domme, or even link to my blog… she just said “a Dumb Domme mentioned…” At least she capitalized it.
Anyway, I don’t feel like I have a name, and I might like one(?). I guess I could just pick one and put it out there, but after a year of blogging, it seems strange to just announce that I am now Sally, or Jane, or Mistress Fahrvergnügen, or whateverthefuck. Right? I mean, obviously, you know “D” isn’t my real name or real initial, and the idea of announcing another made-up name seems weird and strangely pretentious (is it?).
I’ve been thinking about crowd-sourcing it… asking for ideas… ?
I feel some dissonance about asking for input on a name for my identity here, but I figure my identity has already been (and is being) constructed in cooperation with lots other other writers and readers on the interwebz anyway. In some regards, asking for ideas seems strangely fitting. And seriously… who am I kidding? I fucked myself over the minute I decided that calling the blog “Dumb Domme” was a good idea.
I don’t know what I think. Do I stick with “D”? Should I crowd-source it? (Of course, it’s just my name… the blog title, “Dumb Domme,” will not change.)
Perhaps I’m just traveling and feeling disconnected and I should forget the whole thing. Maybe.
1) I’m selling myself over on the Masocast donation page. Go there, read the details. Donate. Do it.