Jul 232012

I’m still out of town for business/pleasure/torture/fun. It’s not a great time for writing (I really should go to sleep–I’m exhausted), and conditions aren’t ideal (I might get faster wi-fi with two paper cups and a string). But, I heard something last night that made me revisit my blog identity crisis.
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Last night, I downloaded the latest Masocast episode, curled into bed, and intended to listen for a bit before going to sleep. Just a few minutes into the podcast, I heard my “name.”[1] I don’t think I’ve ever heard it spoken aloud before, and hearing it made me cringe a little. It had nothing to do with Axe’s smooth baritone delivery–it was the words that made me wince: “Dumb Domme.”

Dumb Domme. Motherfuck. What was I thinking?

I guess “Dumb Domme” is my identity… but I don’t know if it’s my “name.” Am I Dumb Domme? I guess so. Fuck.

When I started writing here almost a year ago, I chose “D” as my lettre de plume — my “blog author name” — because I didn’t give it much thought, nor did I imagine my “name” might be important to me later on. Honestly, I used up all of my creativity in coming up with the blog title, so I didn’t have much left to use on thinking up a name.

“D” seemed adequate, but since then, I’ve realized there’s already a Dee (Curvaceous Dee), a DD (Dishevelled Domina), a DDD (Dick Dyke Dick), and now there’s a DomDomme, too. “D” didn’t really catch on anyway, so I can’t be “D.” But, I don’t want to be “Dumb Domme” either. It’s not that I regret the blog title — I think “Dumb Domme” speaks to my inexperience, willingness to poke fun at myself, and my approach to particular topics and issues I discuss here.  I believe I summed it up very early on: sometimes I do dumb shit. Sure, I know there’s going to be a ‘dumb’ joke here and there, and actually, I think I make most of them myself.

But I’m sick of fuck sticks emailing and messaging me with: “Hello. May I call you dumb? (tee hee!)” as if that was clever or as if it was the first time I’d heard that. I got unreasonably ticked off when a fellow blogger (someone with a far larger readership than I), referenced a link I had sent her in a post and called me “a Dumb Domme” — she didn’t call me Dumb Domme, the Dumb Domme, or even link to my blog… she just said “a Dumb Domme mentioned…” At least she capitalized it.

Anyway, I don’t feel like I have a name, and I might like one(?). I guess I could just pick one and put it out there, but after a year of blogging, it seems strange to just announce that I am now Sally, or Jane, or Mistress Fahrvergnügen, or whateverthefuck. Right? I mean, obviously, you know “D” isn’t my real name or real initial, and the idea of announcing another made-up name seems weird and strangely pretentious (is it?).

I’ve been thinking about crowd-sourcing it… asking for ideas… ?

I feel some dissonance about asking for input on a name for my identity here, but I figure my identity has already been (and is being) constructed in cooperation with lots other other writers and readers on the interwebz anyway. In some regards, asking for ideas seems strangely fitting. And seriously… who am I kidding? I fucked myself over the minute I decided that calling the blog “Dumb Domme” was a good idea.

I don’t know what I think. Do I stick with “D”? Should I crowd-source it? (Of course, it’s just my name… the blog title, “Dumb Domme,” will not change.)

Perhaps I’m just traveling and feeling disconnected and I should forget the whole thing. Maybe.
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1) I’m selling myself over on the Masocast donation page. Go there, read the details. Donate. Do it. (I’m no longer offering graphic design services as ‘thank you’ gifts for donations to Masocast, but you should donate anyway!)

  45 Responses to “identity crisis?”

  1. So it doesn’t exactly sound flattering when spoken, You are getting positive attention. People recognize the Dumb Domme brand.

    Someone says Dumb Domme and it’s you their thinking of, not the words that make up your name, but rather what they know of you, your authorial voice, your humor, the way you humanize female dominance and BDSMers in general.

    I say own it, a silly less than flattering identity is still way better than being the millionth “Mistress Pain” floundering in obscurity, and next time some else asks if they can call you “dumb” say “you can try, but then I’ll be calling you… an ambulance.” *puts on sunglasses*

    • @Peroxide: “better than being the millionth “Mistress Pain” floundering in obscurity,”

      Wait, so “Mystryss Payne” is a bad idea? Fuck. I’m down to three ideas instead of four.


      • Well you could start a new blog that focuses on erotic cookery instead of erotic failures, I’d read Yum Domme

        Or you could become a dentist/dominatrix and write about the dangers of gingivitis and rough play on Gum Domme or if you are playing around with Novocaine it could be Numb Domme

        Personally, I’m hoping you go gonzo and start drinking and dominating, blogging it all under the name Rum Domme

        • @Peroxide: I think I love you a little.

          Erotic cookery? Like, the cookware itself… like sexy pans and wire whisks? Or techniques or recipes? Or this? *shudder*

          “I’m hoping you go gonzo and start drinking and dominating, blogging it all under the name Rum Domme”

          Wait… lots of this blog has already been brought to you by the letter V (as in Vodka). I can’t handle the sweet liquors. I won’t change for you people… I won’t! A drunk? Maybe. A habitual rum drinker? Never.

          But eventually, the vodka may make me numb… so there’s that. :)

          • In my mind erotic cookery involves using kitchen utensils as sadistic implements and then making the sub order in Thai food.

            If Rum is out, then I can only hope that you start blogging about your ass and call the blog Bum Domme

          • @Peroxide: Perhaps using kitchen utensils as sadistic implements while forcing the sub to learn Thai so he can order in Thai food… that sounds reasonable, right?

            Bum Domme? I’ll make it a photo blog exclusively comprised of my ass expressing particular moods and feelings… this is sad butt, happy butt… confused butt… the possibilities are endless.

          • I’ll make it a photo blog exclusively comprised of my ass expressing particular moods and feelings… this is sad butt, happy butt… confused butt… the possibilities are endless.

            I’d still read that.

  2. You know, in keeping with the DD theme, you could always come up a list of adjectives, beginning with the letter D that wold describe what kind of Domme you are,

    Devious, Demure, Determined,… and so forth

    Or, You could use a proper name but then you would put the Domme first.
    Domme Dahlia, Domme Darcelle… and so forth

    Of course, you could also wake up in the morning and find that you really don’t have an identity crisis at all. In any case, I’m sure all your readers will back you up… Whatever you decide.

    • @Anon: “Whatever you decide.”

      “Domme Decide”?… wait… I’m only kidding!

      I can’t be “Domme” anything. I’m not a Domme-at-large, nor am I your domme… it just seems too honorific to suit me, which is perhaps why I might not need/want a name at all.

      “Domme InDecision”? (still kidding)

  3. Please, make sure it stays DD or at least two letters that can be made from DD like RR or BB. ;)

    • @Anon: “Please, make sure it stays DD or at least two letters that can be made from DD like RR or BB.”

      Oh. I was going to explain myself as being tired and say “wha?” But I just figured out who this is and what the fuck that meant… (it takes me a minute when I’m tired…)

      Quit your bitching. Those were scratches, really.

      If your “DD” needs updating, I’ll be sure to add some terminals and descenders that won’t fade so quickly.

  4. Eh. I feel the same about my moniker (which, btw…thanks for linking. If you hear that in a sarcastic, bitchy, eye-rolling tone of voice, bingo. ;) ). Chosen as a convenience and quirk, and now its quirky charm is starting to wear thin.

    I actually think an internet “scene” name would be okay in this situation. It’s a different, less charged handle for people to refer to than having just Dumb Domme. Example: “Karla, of Dumb Domme…” (and Le Carré!).

    -the other DD (who probably needs a scene name, too.)

    • @DomDomme: “thanks for linking. If you hear that in a sarcastic, bitchy, eye-rolling tone of voice, bingo”

      I’m too out-of-sorts to know… if that was a slam, you’ll have to be more clear. Was the “thanks” sarcastic? or is the moniker sarcastic?

      • The “thanks” was sarcastic, said affectionately.

        My moniker choice was a spur of the moment thing.

        • Hmmm… not sure why it was sarcastic, but I’ll take the affection all the same. I’m a whore for a affection… sarcastic or otherwise.

          Edit: I unlinked you. Sorry about that.

          • Oh, it’s all right! :) I pouted for a few seconds and commented in that mood, but I got over it. I like being a comment and tweet-lurker for now and felt a little unready for a spotlight. Then there’re my control issues… ;)

  5. I feel your pain. I thought about coming up with a separate nom de plume until someone emailed me and addressed me as “Omni.” I thought that was cool until a few days later when it occurred to me that someone wanting to be more formal would address me as “Mr. Whore.”

    • @omniwhore: “Omni” is fucking awesome… “Mr. Whore,” not so much. :) At least it isn’t “hello, whore…” let me know when that message comes… it will come… just a matter of time. But honestly, I’d rather be a whore than be dumb. :)

  6. If it’s any consolation, I still regret choosing “Unspeakable Axe”, I still need to explain that one “Axe = acts” and how the url was taken and then people just started calling me “Axe” and now I’m stuck.

    Could be worse right?

    • @Axe: Poor baby! Wait… yeah, it could be worse. You could be “Dumb.” :)

      “Axe” is kinda awesome, whether people get that axe = acts or not. It beats your real name… Leslie… I mean… “Axe”

      *wink wink* (Your secret is safe with me!)

  7. I’m kinda into the crowdsourcing idea. Can we do like an “X Prize”???

    I too like the brand DD… and have loved the humility and self deprecation of ‘DumbDomme’ (bc you are so damn smart and sassy in your posts that, just as we don’t think your name is Dee, we also would never think you are dumb.) So I’d generally vote that you keep it.

    However, as there are now grand prizes involved, and knowing what a wordophile you are, I took the liberty of googling words that start with Du to keep the brand somewhat intact. See below for possible alternatives. Such as…

    -Dubious Domme (could be self doubting or skeptical)
    -Ducat Domme (picturing well placed gold pieces)
    -Dulce Domme (or Dulcet Domme.or Dulcifying Domme for that matter.. sugar sweet Domme that you are)
    -Dulcimer Domme (resonating with your musical interests perhaps?)
    -Dulia Domme (never had heard of the word dulia.. but it could fit!! It involves worship!)
    -Dungaree Domme (Do you like jeans? and the 1970’s? – the last time I heard the word dungaree)
    -Dutch Domme (are you from Holland by any luck?)
    -Duumvirate Domme (ha… I just liked that a word exists with 2 u’s in a row! and its about 2 men.. hmm.. If I knew such words existed I could consistently crush any Australian Domme out there who loves scrabble.)
    -Duvetyne Domme (Do you enjoy blindfolds? This alludes to black cloth and loss of light… )

    I suppose I’m the dumb one for being up at this hour looking at Du words….

    Cheers! (and again, I do still love DumbDomme)

  8. How about Distant Domme, which clearly shows that you and J are not together.

    I like your sense of humour, so Delectable Domme or Diamond Domme might be the right ones!!!.

    • @thelongbean: Distant Domme is kinda cool, but that sounds more like a blog title than a name. I don’t want to change the name of the blog, and it might be strange writing as “Distant Domme” on “Dumb Domme.” With that said, being Dumb Domme on Dumb Domme is strange enough. :)

  9. ““D” seemed adequate, but since then, I’ve realized there’s already a Dee (Curvaceous Dee), a DD (Dishevelled Domina), a DDD (Dick Dyke Dick), and now there’s a DomDomme, too.”

    Ha! And ‘Lady D’ was around for a while also!

    Obviously ‘D’ is not going to work if you want people to be able to refer to you by it, but you can choose whatever name you want, and I don’t think it has to have anything to do with your blog name.

    I’m not ‘Domme Chronicles / Domme / Ms Chronicles’ etc, I’m ‘Ferns who writes Domme Chronicles’.

    Obviously since you are trying to ‘name yourself’ after the fact, it will take a little while to firm up, but just choose whatever name you are happy with and start using it as your moniker everywhere (eg as your posting name here, as your Fetlife name, as your sign off on comments etc).

    As to name suggestions, I got nothin’! Some derivative of your real name so that you can relate to it isn’t a bad idea. I’d be tempted to go for ‘Princess Consuela Banana Hammock’, but then, I have no imagination…


    • @Ferns: Yeah. I should have done what you did when I started. I should have been XXXX at Dumb Domme…. but I didn’t do that, so now I’m Dumb. :)

      I do like Consuela Banana Hammock…

    • I agree with Fern… Doubt it would take too long to catch on either.

      Besides.. I LOVE Consuela Banana Hammock ;)

  10. I for one think Dumb Domme has a certain charm….


    • @Mick: Thank you. I think it has a kind of charm too… like a “bless her heart” kinda charm. :)

      • like a “bless her heart” kinda charm.

        Fellow Southerner, cracking up in the corner. Don’t mind me…(if I break any html, apologies for the mess)

  11. What if you take the first and the last letters of the two words and turn it into Dume the Dumb Domme?

    • Though I should add that I too like the “bless her heart” charm of Dumb Domme. You’ll just have to make sure other people refer to you as “the” Dumb Domme rather than “a” Dumb Domme…

  12. stay as you are x those that disrespect you dont get it, you or matter. x

    Dumb Domme rolls of toung now x

    • Thanks, Craig. I’m still not sure I love Dumb Domme, but since I can’t come up with any alternatives I love, I might be “Dumb Domme” for a bit longer.

  13. Unless You change the name of Your blog, You will always get SOME references as “Dumb Domme.” Normally, I say, “Dumb Domme (who is actually a smarty)” or something. I kind of see it as satirical, such as when politicians say they are honest and care about “folks like you.”

    As Ferns said, You can just start referencing Yourself with another name and be “(whoever) at Dumb Domme.”

    Perhaps something simple, like Mrs. Galileo Sikorsky Tesla Einstein? Or Mistress Smart E. Pants? How about Not Really Dumb Domme, SUUUUPERRRR GEE-NEE-UUS? Domme-a-liciousness? DontyouwishIownedyoutoo?

    I actually kind of like Mistress Smart E Pants, though. You could geek it up to be Mistress Smart e-pants…

  14. When ken & I started talking first he asked what he should call me… I googled “appropriate name Mistress BDSM” and got informed that it should be Mistress/Miss/Ma’am/M’lady ‘something suitably Russian! I am a femme Domme… there isn’t a ‘suitably Russian’ bone in my body. I already identified as Elsie on Collar Me and while I think Elsie is altogether too girly a name for a Domme it’s better than Madam Izolda!

    • I like Elsie! Also, I prefer being “Ma’am” with my boy, and I don’t mind it so much when readers or emailers use it sometimes, but I couldn’t identify as “Miss” or “Mistress” anything or “Ma’am” here. It would feel insincere to me.

      And you know, I should have picked something Russian… I’m a mutt, but there is some Russian in there. :)

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