Jul 192012

Over on Submissive in Seattle, Peroxide explained how he saw aspects of BDSM as not simply sexual, but romantic, beautiful, and loving. In particular, he discussed how he saw the potential for expressing love and romance through a D/s dynamic:

…it can be expressed and reinforced in words, and tones and gestures. In the same way lover’s can express their love for each other, I see the potential for dominants and submissives to express their dynamic, and I see those expressions as being romantic.”

He went on to say that the ownership dynamic makes him swoon, in part because “it indicates that there is a great deal of trust and commitment.”

Coincidentally, just a few hours before I read Peroxide’s post, I sent a note to J that spoke to similar ideas. Among other things, it’s an expression of love and ownership within the context of a real-life (admittedly imperfect) D/s relationship.

Email to J
Subject line: “I own you.”

I’m not polished. I don’t always know the right thing to say at the right time. I don’t know how and when to enact simultaneous competing impulses to use you, to pet you, to hurt you, to hold you. I want what you’ve offered me, every bit of what you’ve given, and every last piece of you I can take. I’m glad you trust me with you–your mind and your body–and I’m so glad you understand I’ll take care of what you’ve given me. I respect you and I value you and I wish there was a better way to say this, but I own my ownership. I understand it’s not perfect, but owning you is important, it’s significant, and I take it seriously.

But I don’t just want to own you, I want to own you well.

I want to be better at enacting ownership in meaningful, memorable ways. I wish I was polished enough to create some memorable display of my position that would get stuck in your head to remind you of your position when you’re out of my reach. I want to be better at articulating and enacting possession in ways that reflect what I feel for you and in ways that speak to you. I don’t do that well–I’m awkward and unfocused and when I have you to myself, I want to experience all of you in as many ways as I can have you. I can’t help it. When you’re naked and vulnerable for me I can’t help but get caught up in consuming your words, your pain, your pleasure, your beautiful blue eyes, your sounds and movements, and your want and willingness to be mine in whatever way I want you.

I wish I had the composure to stop at the perfect time, wrap one hand around your cock and the other around your throat, and remind you that I own you in sweet sexy whispers. I forget to do that because I’m too busy listening to you breathe or watching you tense or admiring your eyes or any number of other ways I enjoy you.

There isn’t enough time to consume enough of you to satisfy me. Sometimes I forget to assert my ownership because I’m too busy owning you, consuming you, and enjoying you.

But just because I’m not good at asserting my ownership doesn’t mean I don’t own you. So, I’m sorry it’s not memorable or graceful, but here’s your reminder: I own you. I own what you offered and I accepted. I want you and you’re mine.

You’re mine regardless of whether you feel it hard or not. You’re mine when you’re too far away to reach. You’re mine when your busy taking care of other things. You’re mine in the ebbs and the flows, even in those moments when you forget that you’re owned and when I forget to remind you.

You are owned, you are mine, and you are loved.

  14 Responses to “I own you (love, romance, and D/s)”

  1. Perfect. An excellent articulation of imperfection and emotion. Really beautiful

    • Thanks, Kassia. I appreciate that you saw both acknowledgement of imperfection (especially my own), but heartfelt emotion too. I am flawed, but I do love… hard. :)

  2. Wow! Just . . . wow! Beautiful.

  3. Well now I feel all melty inside.

    This is such a wonderful encapsulation of your story of making it work.

    • @Peroxide: See, see? This is the thing I wasn’t sure if I should post (I’m still not sure that I should have). I really did write this just a few hours before I read your piece. It’s not perfect (nor are we), but it’s all there–the love, the sex, the pain, the ownership. There are ebbs and flows, but it’s all still there and it’s beautifully possible.

      With that said, we’re no great love/fuck story, and keep in mind that I’m not looking for a life partner… but for now, it’s working well and making me deliriously happy. :)

  4. There’s a ‘mindfulness’ here that feels authentic, caring, hot, humble, and consuming all at once. I’m glad you shared this!

  5. Beautifully articulated. I’ve always felt that D/s in it’s most refined form, is the purest expression of love and devotion.

    It seems like the vast majority of participants in this lifestyle just want to “play” for the sexual gratification it brings them. No doubt they’re enjoying themselves, but still, I pity them. They do not know what they are missing.

    Whenever I give myself (be it through a physical whipping or simple, day to day servitude), to the woman I’ve adored my whole adult life, the impossible happens…as intense as my love for her might be, she pulls my soul even deeper into her orbit.

    I’ll be the first to admit that this goes against the usual conventions of what love is “supposed” to be. After all, it doesn’t seem “right” that she can willfully enhance my love for her with each stroke of her cane, or each order issued, but that is precisely what happens.

    I think your use of the word “commitment” was spot on, as that is what I have an inner need to convey. To just tell her that I love her, and to treat her well, is far too easy. I need more, much more. It’s not enough to merely declare my love, I need to demonstrate it, show it, and to prove it…. every hour of every day.

    My surrender to her is rooted entirely in my love for her. I don’t really “enjoy” pain, and she’s no sadist, but I DO need to suffer “for her” when she deems it appropriate. And more than just basking in her control, when she molds me in to the man she wants me to be, that’s the man I truly want to become.

    When I surrender to her, she “knows” my love, and when she takes all I offer and expects still more, I “know” hers in return. True ownership, in a loving relationship, is something sublime.



    • @Michael: Thank you for this! Your response is absolutely lovely. :) I love hearing things from the perspective of someone on the other side of the slash.

  6. “You are owned, you are mine, and you are loved.”

    That was a beautiful message. To me, it is the aspect of ownership that is the essence of D/s. Kink may be an important part of D/s, but the closeness, trust, love, and understanding that is built between Dominant and submissive is the framework on which everything else rests.

    It’s not about being perfect, but rather about both parties striving for the ideal that makes the relationship worthwhile. I would love to have gotten such a message and having done so, would have redoubled my efforts to please my Domme. I’m sure “J” understands how fortunate he is to be so loved by another.

  7. DD, I appreciate that you shared this note, it’s beautiful,

    “you are owned, you are mine, you are loved”

    It sums it all up, beautifully….& the above ‘slapshot’ comment really hits the mark for me also…

    • Thanks, b.r..

      I wasn’t 100% comfortable with sharing something so personal, but I’m glad I did. If nothing else, it’s a record of a time in my life that’s too fucking beautiful for words. :)

  8. This is beautiful and just the inspiration I needed this morning. I realize this was posted over a year ago, but it is so well articulated and moving. Thank you for sharing.

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