Over on Submissive in Seattle, Peroxide explained how he saw aspects of BDSM as not simply sexual, but romantic, beautiful, and loving. In particular, he discussed how he saw the potential for expressing love and romance through a D/s dynamic:
…it can be expressed and reinforced in words, and tones and gestures. In the same way lover’s can express their love for each other, I see the potential for dominants and submissives to express their dynamic, and I see those expressions as being romantic.”
He went on to say that the ownership dynamic makes him swoon, in part because “it indicates that there is a great deal of trust and commitment.”
Coincidentally, just a few hours before I read Peroxide’s post, I sent a note to J that spoke to similar ideas. Among other things, it’s an expression of love and ownership within the context of a real-life (admittedly imperfect) D/s relationship.
Email to J
Subject line: “I own you.”
I’m not polished. I don’t always know the right thing to say at the right time. I don’t know how and when to enact simultaneous competing impulses to use you, to pet you, to hurt you, to hold you. I want what you’ve offered me, every bit of what you’ve given, and every last piece of you I can take. I’m glad you trust me with you–your mind and your body–and I’m so glad you understand I’ll take care of what you’ve given me. I respect you and I value you and I wish there was a better way to say this, but I own my ownership. I understand it’s not perfect, but owning you is important, it’s significant, and I take it seriously.
But I don’t just want to own you, I want to own you well.
I want to be better at enacting ownership in meaningful, memorable ways. I wish I was polished enough to create some memorable display of my position that would get stuck in your head to remind you of your position when you’re out of my reach. I want to be better at articulating and enacting possession in ways that reflect what I feel for you and in ways that speak to you. I don’t do that well–I’m awkward and unfocused and when I have you to myself, I want to experience all of you in as many ways as I can have you. I can’t help it. When you’re naked and vulnerable for me I can’t help but get caught up in consuming your words, your pain, your pleasure, your beautiful blue eyes, your sounds and movements, and your want and willingness to be mine in whatever way I want you.
I wish I had the composure to stop at the perfect time, wrap one hand around your cock and the other around your throat, and remind you that I own you in sweet sexy whispers. I forget to do that because I’m too busy listening to you breathe or watching you tense or admiring your eyes or any number of other ways I enjoy you.
There isn’t enough time to consume enough of you to satisfy me. Sometimes I forget to assert my ownership because I’m too busy owning you, consuming you, and enjoying you.
But just because I’m not good at asserting my ownership doesn’t mean I don’t own you. So, I’m sorry it’s not memorable or graceful, but here’s your reminder: I own you. I own what you offered and I accepted. I want you and you’re mine.
You’re mine regardless of whether you feel it hard or not. You’re mine when you’re too far away to reach. You’re mine when your busy taking care of other things. You’re mine in the ebbs and the flows, even in those moments when you forget that you’re owned and when I forget to remind you.
You are owned, you are mine, and you are loved.