Jun 112012
 

Once or twice (or more), I’ve bitched about Ferns getting more questions than I do. Even worse than that, she gets adorable compliments and interesting inquiries! (Am I jealous? Hells yes!) Generally, the questions I get are along the lines of “Hey, I’m married, but do you want to fuck my ass on the down low anyway?” (Um, the answer is “no.”)

Anyway, in the wake of my bitching, I received three questions. They’re not Ferns-level complimentary, but I’ll answer them anyway.  :)

Thanks, questioners, and keep them coming! If you have a question, don’t hesitate to ask.

Question 1:

Love the blog, especially hearing you become ever more confident in your dominance. I see a lot of negative dialog about guys trying to “force” dominance onto their less than kinky SO. Your story is pretty damn inspiring.
What do you like best about being the dominant partner? What do you like best about being the dominant partner?

Thanks for the kind words! I think I am becoming more confident, but yes, mine is a situation where my partner initiated me into D/s (or BDSM, or whatever). I’ve always been a little kinky, and I’ve always been the dominant partner in relationships–I just never knew it was a “thing.” I’ve taken a lot of missteps along the way, but now I feel like I’m coming into dominance in my own way and on my own terms.  

What do I like best about being the dominant partner? In the context of the larger relationship, I like the idea that (in theory) I get what I want. But more than that, I love the idea that what I want is what my partner wants. I love the idea that someone lives (or acts, or speaks, or moves, or whatever) to please me because he wants to make me happy.

In the context of sex and play, I get off on power and control. I like being able to move a man–physically, mentally, emotionally–where I want him. It’s fucking hot. Plus, I’m a wee bit sadistic… so there’s that.

Overall, there’s a profound satisfaction that comes from manipulating a man in such a way that he becomes what you need him to be–whether that’s a disembodied hard cock and holes to fill, a screen on which to read reactions, a partner with which to share meals, laughs, and good conversations, or strong arms to hold me when I want to be held.

What makes me feel the most Dommely? Submission. His/her submission makes me feel most Dommely. (And yes, there was a her… that’s another story for another time). I have very little desire to Domme someone who has no willingness to submit. That feels inauthentic to me… it feels like posturing or play-acting. With that said, I don’t want any generic submission or any generic submissive either. What makes me feel the most dominant is someone who wants to submit to me. Of course, that’s far easier said than explained.  :)

Question 2:

I’m reading your archives and I’m wondering: what happened with Cutie McSub?

Cutie McSub faded away, or perhaps, he was hauled into some deep dark dungeon by some other Domme without a blog. While I do consider myself monogamish, things with J are going fairly well and I’m not all that interested in meeting new friends. There was M, who had me up until I posted “La Petite Mort.” M read it and then emailed to say “I want to murder you.” (Hello there, M, did you realize that was kinda creepy when you wrote it? No? Okay, well, now you know.)

Question 3:

Do you have any advice for a woman who has a Domme inside her, screaming to be let out, but unsure HOW to go about it (I do have Topping tendencies so I think myself a Switch).

I’m sorry… did you see the title of my blog? (“Dumb Domme”… emphasis on the Dumb) I have no fucking idea. My first thought is to ask Ferns, Dishevelled Domina, or Stabbity. They seem to know what they’re doing.

My second thought is to ask for more information, like, what sort of situation are you in? Are you in a relationship? Have you talked to her or him about it? If you’re unpartnered, are you looking for a play partner or something more? I think I give decent advice, but I need more details.

My third thought is to recommend you talk to whoever it is you’re seeing or whoever it is you want to see and try topping to see if it really suits you. Or fuck that, fuck talking… let your screaming Domme out… tie your partner up, grab a wooden spoon, and whack that ass…

Not helpful? No. I didn’t think so.

  4 Responses to “Q & A: feeling Dommely, boys, etc.”

  1. "tie your partner up, grab a wooden spoon, and whack that ass…"
    This was all I could think when I read that.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bKDdT_nyP54

    Yes, I just managed to make hip-hop sadistic.

  2. Good lord, woman. I didn't need to see that. It cannot be unseen. :)

  3. Sweet, I've convinced someone I have any idea what I'm doing :) Score one for the perfectionism that makes me edit my posts until it sounds like I know what I'm talking about.

    But Ferns, she really sounds like she knows what she's doing :)

  4. @Stabbity: I'm convinced. I don't know about that Ferns… she's off working out and cooking and posting photos of cats and stuff. How is she ever going to find time to wear latex and Domme legions of boys?

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