Jun 012012
 
Hitachi Magic Wand accessories and attachments

I am not a creature of moderation–typically, I’m all or nothing. So when I bought my Hitachi Magic Wand vibrator, I also attempted to purchase ALL of the attachments and accessories.

The Hitachi itself is a damn good vibrator all by itself. Some of the attachments are good, some are useless, and some of them are fucking scary. In a discussion with a Hitachi virgin, I described a few of the attachments and gave my reviews of which ones were worth the money, which were totally ineffective, and which ones confused the fuck out of me.

Is that nubbly thing supposed to go on my clit or in my asshole? Is that black one supposed to look like a helmet crab or a mutant squid? Why does that other one have teeth?!?

Anyway, in looking at my collection of Hitachi attachments, I realized that some of them really do look like strange mutant sea creatures, muppets, and sci-fi robot-animal hybrids. So of course, I took my imagination to the (il)logical extreme, got out of my long-forgotten craft supplies, and further anthropomorphized several of my vibrator attachments. Ladies and gentlemen, I’d like to introduce you to the Hitach-imals.

Hitachi Magic Wand accessories and attachments
 I gave some of them eyes, and then I decided the more studious-looking Hitach-imals needed reading glasses. The blue Hitach-imals work separately, but they’re in a committed relationship.

Hitachi Magic Wand accessories and attachments
The black one freaks me out the most. I have no idea why the clit stimulator(?) part has teeth and I think the bubbly thing on it’s head is supposed to go in my butt. That’s not going to happen–I’m not into anal violation at the horn of a sharp-toothed sea squid.

Hitachi Magic Wand accessories and attachments
 So, there you go. I promise you’ll never look at your sex toys the same way again, especially when you notice them looking back at you.
*Some attachments were harmed in the making of this Hitach-imal Menagerie.

 

  21 Responses to “hitachi attachment menagerie”

  1. Ha ha ha ha! Have you read Scary Sextoy Friday? Updated (infrequently) on Fridays, it features sex toys you are unlikely to want in your collection.

    However, I think most are not quite so cute and studious as your googly-eyed — and some bespectacled — Hitach-imals. I love these.

  2. Fairly entertaining stuff. Especially the black psycho bird thing.
    And scarysextoyfriday.com is hilarious. thanks for the hint.
    Cheers

  3. These would make great parade floats. ;)

  4. This
    is
    AWESOME!
    Iris and I laughed so hard.

  5. @WBW: I hadn't seen Scary Sextoy Friday… damn… I almost wish I hadn't. I've been collecting images and descriptions of interesting toys I've found and had hoped to make it into a post. I wonder if I still can?

    And yes, I do find the Hitach-imals with eyes strangely cute and endearing too. I'm not sure what that says about us?!?! :)

  6. @Odin: The black psycho-bird was the scariest of the bunch. I'm still not sure what's supposed to go where with that thing?

    And hello again, BTW. Apparently, you have a new blog. Glad to see you're still with Freyja and giving an FLR another go. :)

  7. @Anon-I-know-who-you-are: You can tell the marching band to join the parade… I'm home alone again on this fine Friday evening.

    Onward with the parade floats. ;)

  8. @Femi (and Iris): So does this mean you're going to glue eyes on your new Lelo vibe? I sure hope so… :)

  9. Of course you can! There is plenty of room in the world for sex toy mockery!

  10. These are fantastic.. Oh dear whenever I purchase my attachment I may not be able to see it without the eyes intact!

  11. @BiLikesSciFi: Here's lookin' at you, kid!

  12. Yeah, just as things picked up again I wanted to revive the old one. This was however the moment, when google decided to delete it for good. :-/ Still working on the design, though ;-)

    Ever tried mailing the producer to ask about the purpose of that scary looking bird?

  13. @Odin: All of your old posts are "saved" in Google Reader accounts — if you want them, they're all still there.

  14. Too funny. And I thought my toys looked strange, boy was I wrong.

  15. @Rogue: My toys look strange AND they look at me funny. :)

  16. Fucking brilliant. Thanks.

  17. Thanks, Lizzie. As you can see, I'm more than willing to destroy my own property for a laugh. :)

  18. I love you. That is all.

  19. Why thank you, JenLo. I'm glad to get a little love seeing as how I destroyed most of my vibrator attachments. :)

  20. This is priceless. I love it!

    P.S. Check out the vibrator from Brookstone. It’s like a hitachi, only it has 4 levels of vibration instead of 2 AND it’s super-quiet! I love mine.

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