Regular readers already know about the “orgasm project“–my bitching and whining about not being able to come to orgasm with my sex partner. But it finally happened. :)
I had an orgasm! Alert the internets!
Of course regular readers also know I’m prone to over-thinking, and this is where I do it. So, let’s get to that, shall we?
I’ve been thinking about what was different about O night that might have contributed to the happy outcome. Of course, I understand that even if we replicate the conditions, it might not happen again… but it might!
In terms of the, um, action, there wasn’t much difference (J didn’t use some sort of ancient technique or motorize his tongue or anything), but my head space was a lot different than it usually is when we see each other.
The differences, in points (because nothing is sexier than points, right?):
- I hadn’t been feeling the dynamic as much as I usually do.
- I wasn’t as eager to see J as I usually am.
- I had no plan and no expectations, which is uncharacteristic of me.
Of course, all of those things are mutually informing, but I’m not sure what to make of them (if anything) in relation to orgasm. J and I don’t see each other as often as we’d like, and unfortunately, distance and time do not make my heart grow fonder. (Nor does forgetting my birthday earlier in the week make my pussy grow wetter.) We’ve both found it difficult to maintain the sorts of headspaces we need to foster the dynamic when we’re apart for too long. When I don’t feel the dynamic, I don’t feel as dominant, and when I don’t feel as dominant, I’m not as desperate to see him. When I’m not desperate to see him, I fall into a sort of “meh” attitude about seeing him at all. My “meh” leads to lowered expectations and general I-don’t-give-a-fuck attitude.
Did you get all of that?
When the day of our play date rolled around, I contemplated calling it off–it seemed like too much effort. The “meh” was overwhelming, if that’s possible.
But I didn’t call it off, and as usual, as soon as we’re in the same room together, the dynamic snaps back into place fairly quickly. Still, I had no real plans for him and no expectations for an orgasm (his or mine). We talked and laughed and touched–nothing too sexy or sexual. After some time, I started feeling playful and demanding. Besides that, my attitude was “you’re here, I might as well use you…”
And I did.
Without any warning, warmup, or foreplay, I stripped off my jeans, pinned him, and sat on his face. (Yay me? Yay J? Whatever. Yay!) Generally, it takes some time, abuse, and teasing to get me wet and wanting and feeling confident enough to mount his face.
But that night was different.
(fast forward through a couple of hours and a lot of licking…) Then I had an orgasm, then another… and it was fucking awesome. Fuckingawesomeorgasm. Wait… what was I talking about again…?
Oh. Right. So, what’s it all mean? Does it mean that feeling “meh” about J, caring less about seeing him, and/or not feeling the dynamic as much let me chill the fuck out and take my orgasm? Was it just the lowered expectations?
I dunno. Maybe I just managed to get out of my own cluttered head for a while. Maybe the Domme thing is too much pressure and I just need to get on the boy’s face and take my pleasure. Maybe that is the Domme thing?
Or perhaps, none of this made a difference, it was all coincidental, and the universe finally decided it was time to let me get off.
Oh, so a couple of you have asked: how did it happen?
It was J’s tongue, in the bedroom, with the vibrator. The vibrator was involved, but only secondarily. The boy is good at what he does… very good.
Besides that, J is very patient. If you think about it, he’s been eating pussy for a year…