May 152012
 

At the moment, I’m staring at a rack of lingerie… in silk, satin, lace, with delicate sheer fabrics, and beautiful embroidery. Some of the pieces are pretty, some are ridiculous, and I’m surprised at the number of pieces that I’ve never worn. Some still have the sales tags on them.

I remember a time in my life when I thought stuff like that was far to risque to wear. There were other times when I didn’t think I was skinny enough, or curvy enough, or otherwise pretty enough to wear some of them.

Now, the stuff hanging on the rack just looks… I dunno… “meh.” They’re nice enough, but most of them seem cliched, boring, or maybe they just seem too… vanilla?

Since J, I haven’t worn any of them. During sex and play, I’m almost always fully clothed. I wore my beautiful leather corset with him once, but it restricted my movement, and besides that, he didn’t react to it as much as I’d hoped. (Sure, I wear things to feel beautiful, but I’m also a reaction junkie.)

It’s not like I’m going wear any of my vanilla lingerie in the near future. As I take them off the hangers, fold them as neatly as I can, and shove them into a spare dresser, I wonder if I’ll ever wear things like this again. I wonder if I’ll find vanilla sex and vanilla relationships exciting and fulfilling again.

It’s not a goal or anything. I just wonder.

  5 Responses to “vanilla lingerie”

  1. I am a reaction whore & am thrilled by the reaction I get to my corsets, both from ken and from the world at large.

    • @Elsie: I wish wish wish J was more taken by leather and latex and heels and stuff. I LOVE being admired and feeling pretty and wanted.

      Un/fortunately, J is one of those guys who is more into attitude and smarts than the clothing or looks.

      Overall, that’s a good thing, and I recognize that.

      But on the other hand, I’m really fucking pretty (also, vain!), and a reaction junkie too, so his slight or non-reaction to lingerie, corsets, and other whatnot is kind of a bummer. He doesn’t really even want to see me naked… it wouldn’t be a turn off, but not a turn on either. Besides, he likes the vulnerable feeling of being naked while I’m clothed.

      I’d LOVE to make him sit and watch me a drool, but knowing he’s not all that into it would suck the fun out of it for me. Plus, I don’t think he’d actually drool.

      And the other thing, I missed being touched when I’m naked. I miss the feeling of a hand tracing down my spine without my shirt or a corset or a bra in the way. Sure, I could make him do it, but since I know me being naked would make him feel less subbish, I haven’t demanded it. Besides, the idea of having to ask for a sensual touch makes me sad. I shouldn’t have to ask… he should want to touch…

      Oh well. Domme problems, right? Actually, probably just Dumb Domme problems. :)

  2. @D – And the other thing, I missed being touched when I’m naked. I miss the feeling of a hand tracing down my spine without my shirt or a corset or a bra in the way. Sure, I could make him do it, but since I know me being naked would make him feel less subbish, I haven’t demanded it. Besides, the idea of having to ask for a sensual touch makes me sad. I shouldn’t have to ask… he should want to touch…

    I, personally, would have an issue with that but that is me and you are not me. Thankfully ken can be subby with or without clothing and we are both quite touchy feely.

    Does he massage you? Would he if you told him to?

  3. I’ve never had any personal BDSM experiences, but after discovering it (really discovering it and realizing it spoke to me), I feel like I could never be satisfied with vanilla. I need the emotional dynamics, the absolute trust, the power play, the absolute vulnerability, that vanilla can’t even touch.

    • I wish I knew as much. See, I thought I knew myself a few years ago, and that turned out to be pretty misinformed and incorrect. I don’t want to make the mistake of doing that same thing again. I don’t want to think I need/want D/s to be happy and then exclude vanilla relationships. Perhaps I’ll find a vanilla relationship that will make me happy.

      Who knows? I certainly don’t. For that reason, I’m keeping my options open. Ok… I’m trying to keep my options open!

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