May 242012
[alternate titles for this post: Buttquacks!, The Butt Also Quacks, Of Plugs and Buttquacks, The Old Man and the Buttquack, To Kill a Buttduck, Star Wars: The Buttquack Strikes Back (courtesy of Tomio and Callie).]

While I’m the proud owner of an army of butt plugs, and have written the definitive encyclopaedic essay on the topic, I’ve come to realize there is so much more I have to learn. My past experience shoving things into other people’s butts was just the beginning of my entry into a hole new world of information.

If you really think about, every instance of anal penetration is a potential learning experience. I recently had once such learning experience with J.

I had just bought a new set of plugs and was eager to put them where they belonged. During playtime, I lubed J up and slipped in one of the smaller plugs to get him ready for something larger later on. At one point, J knelt for me so I could practice my rope skills. In the middle of tying a harness, he made the strangest sound.

I’d like to think I’m fairly familiar with his sounds–the moans, groans, grunts, and unintelligible utterances–but this was different. It was a sort of high-pitched, breathy whining sound.

“What did you say to me?”

“I didn’t say anything, Ma’am.”

I didn’t give it another thought. A little while later, he was on his hands and knees while I spanked the fuck out of his ass. At one point between smacks, I heard it again… and then I realized it wasn’t one of J’s normal sounds.

“Your ass…. it just squeaked at me.”

We were both completely still, and with the silence in the room, the sound was much louder. His ass was whistling.

“I’m so sorry, Ma’am. This is really embarrassing.”

Thank god he couldn’t see my face–it took everything in me not to erupt into laughter. I took a deep breath and assured him it was nothing to be embarrassed about.

“It’s not a big deal. That’s what bodies do.”

As soon as I finished my sentence, J’s ass made a noise that sounded like a duck call. Not just any duck call, but the call of an impatient, bitchy mallard.

(dramatization of J’s butt plug duck call)

After the duck call, I couldn’t hold back my laughter. I laughed so hard my sides hurt, and all the while, J was on his hands and knees with his head hung low, obviously not finding the humor in the situation. Every time he made the slightest move, his ass tooted, whistled, and whined. It was fucking hilarious.

Ok, back to the informative stuff.

In my lexicon entry, I divided butt plugs into four categories: basic, inflatable, prostate massagers, and novelty/tail plugs. What I didn’t realize at the time was that we might divide “basic” plugs into two subcategories: butt plugs and anal dilators. Since there’s no official governing body that determines terminology based on form or function, both terms–“plugs” and “dilators” are used inconsistently and somewhat interchangeable (although “plug” is more common).

So what’s the difference between a butt plug and an anal dilator?

Again, there’s no definitive Guide to Anal Insertables, but here’s what seems to make butt plugs different from anal dilators.

Most basic “plugs” are latex or silicone, solid, and have no openings or holes. Plugs may come in sets, but they’re most commonly sold as single items.

“Dilators” are hard plastic, hollow, and have a tiny hole at the insertion end (about 2mm in diameter) and a larger opening at the base end (the size of the opening at the base depends on the diameter of the plug. The little hole at the top is often called a “vent”–it allows the body to easily release gas. (It  allowed J’s ass to whistle and make duck call sounds.) Dilators are most commonly sold in sets of three or five sizes, allowing the wearer to start small and work up to a larger size.

Butt Plug & Anal Dilator Fun Facts

  • Anal dilators were first patented in 1892 and marketed in the early 20th century as a cure for constipation.
  • Despite urban legend, the pressure buildup from flatulent gasses isn’t strong enough to launch a butt plug out of the anus. I’m still hopeful Mythbusters will cover this in a future episode.
  • Be careful with information you find on the internet. I was reading online about plugs and gas, and then I read something about lubricating with WD-40. Even after that, it still took me a few moments to realize I was on an automotive repair website.

  17 Responses to “butt plugs and anal dilators: what’s the difference?”

  1. Now I want to use an anal dilator on SwingBot and listen for a duck call.

  2. This was hilarious AND informative and kind of a tease…makes me wonder if we're going to be reading strap-on scenes in the future ;-)

  3. @WBW: I've been giving this some thought, and I don't think it's a good idea. If we plug up all of our significant others and they all start making duck calls, eventually, they're going to start interpreting them as mating calls and end up trying to find each other.

    Essentially, that would leave us non-duck folk lonely and duck-less.

  4. @Lily: I wonder what sort of noises we'll learn about then? Don't worry… I'll do some research right away. :)

  5. can also provide testimony that gas buildup will not cause a plug to shoot out. Mistress had me wear one to breakfast once and I had to wait my turn to get into the bathroom when we got back to our room. There was a bit of musicality involved in the wait…which, I believe, increased the wait time because She was laughing so hard.

    I am rather dubious about using a dialator as a cure for constipation…the wording in the ad is hilarious, though. "…does for the invalid what nature does daily…" Um…nature has NEVER shoved a hard rubber object up my ass. I'm also not sure I'd want to go to a doctor that decided that every case of constipation could be solved with a bit of anal stretching…

  6. @Tomio: "There was a bit of musicality involved in the wait"

    I like that way of thinking about it… musicality!

    And I might admit that mother nature has shoved a hard rubber object up my ass (a boot, perhaps?), but only metaphorically. :)

  7. This was amazing. I've been a silent fan for awhile now and I've got to finally reply. "We have a farter" ♪ has become a jingle We sing in Our playspace as Our slave has this silly bodily 'habit' of farting before he has an orgasm and when he's aroused. We're now, thanks to you, considering getting a dialator so that We may have more variety in the noises to which We have become accustomed. It struck home when you mentioned all the noises We learn about Our play partners ~ many of them gigglable! Thanks!

  8. @Princess Blix: Yay for hearing from previously silent fans! Nice to meet you!

    You'll have to let me know how it goes with the dilators. And now, of course, I'm picturing a poor sub with a kazoo in his ass… maybe a didgeridoo? :)

  9. @Sometimes Spanked: I thought it was funny. My partner, however, did not. (which of course, made it funnier to me!)

  10. Ha ha… very funny post! :)

  11. Brilliant as usual, D.

    The Domme that i've seen a couple of times the last month or so and have been chatting with daily and i are on course to have some anal play. i've only had fingers in there a couple of times before long ago and i'm really excited for real play. You know who i'll be thinking about if there are strange noises involved.


  12. @michael: Ha! Hopefully, if you're involved in anal play with your Domme, the last thing you'll be thinking of is me and my boy's buttquacks!

  13. After clicking on the link for the dramatization of the ass duck whistle, I could NOT stop laughing. ahahahaha

    Poor, poor J. But so fucking funny.

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