Apr 162012
 

For your amusement (and for your information), I present the seventeenth installment in Dumb Domme’s BDSM Lexicon, “top drop.”

View all past entries here.


top drop,  n., /tɒp drɒp/ (IPA)   [topdrop] (spelled)

Definition:

top drop: a dominant’s feelings of guilt, depression, panic and/or worry after dominating a submissive partner during BDSM activity.

Usage:

“After I fucked his ass and accidentally fell asleep on top of him, I had a bad case of top drop. It would have been way worse if I had fallen asleep mid-fuck.”

“After using J like my own personal fuck toy, stringing him up and turning him into an oral service marionette, and then working out all of my conflicting emotions with a paddle on the sweetest part of his ass, I cried like a bitch. I hope it’s top drop. Otherwise, I might suspect that I’m growing a heart.”

Explanation:

During BDSM play, both the dominant and submissive partner may experience feelings of euphoria caused by endorphin rush. After play is over, in addition to the drop in endorphins, the after-effects of power exchange, physicality, and emotional release during BDSM play may leave one or both partners feeling lost, sad, or anxious after play is over. Dominants may also experience feelings of guilt for having used and/or hurt their subs.

what is top drop

 Does Dumb Domme Drop?:

OMG yes. I drop, hard. Sometimes I get all weird during “wind down” time with J. I feel sad and worried, and I know sometimes it manifests as standoffish and distant. It’s worse after he leaves–I get stuck in this godawful loop of holyfuck-what-did-I-just-do?

But honestly, holy fuck! What did I just do?

Dumb (Domme) Q & A:

Q: How do I avoid experiencing top drop?
A: Fuck again. Stat.

Q: How help my dominant partner avoid top drop?
A: Make her a sandwich. Then, offer her your ass. If that doesn’t work, you could always try telling her how much you “enjoyed” the beating, how perfectly spaced your marks are, how in the days to come, your butt-hurt will be a beautiful reminder of how well she owned your ass.

Q: I’m experiencing top drop right now! What do I do?
A: Vodka.


works consulted: BDSM Lexicon   BDSM 101    Top Drop 

  15 Responses to “BDSM Lexicon Entry #17: Top Drop”

  1. I never heard of Top Drop before. Sub Drop, yes, but not Top Drop. I don't think that True Dom/mes are allowed to confess that they ever feel moments of weakness or doubt. :-P

  2. Ah yes,

    I hate the top drop.
    Extended snuggles are my favorite cure, but my situation is different.

  3. @WBW: Moments of weakness and doubt? Who me? Nah. Never.

    (For me, it's more like the monotony of entire seasons of doubt is broken up by moments of weakness. When that gets boring, I try guilt, and when it all gets old, I drink heavily… Fireball Whiskey… Sah-wish!)

  4. @DD: Extended snuggles is certainly one of the benefits of having a live-in love.

    I'm resisting the urge to complain about the frequency of our goodbye kisses. But heck, goodbye kisses are way better than none at all. :)

  5. Ha ha ha ha! Sah-wish, indeed!

  6. I really do enjoy your lexicon entries. They make the nerd in me so happy.

  7. @Rogue: Thank you!

    A happy nerd is a safe nerd. An unhappy, disgruntled nerd is a dangerous creature.

    Hell hath no fury… well, you know. ;)

  8. D…

    I am SO glad I found this post! I called my Dominant immediately to report on it.
    He, too, sometimes feels guilt and anguish after an intense session and worries endlessly about having hurt me. In the beginning of O/our relationship, He would quickly remove any restraints applied during O/our play in an effort to alleviate the discomfort He may have caused.
    He has since learned that I enjoy 'coming down' while still restrained. This fetish of mine has helped alleviate quite a bit of the distress caused by my Dom's Top Drop.
    Neither of U/us had heard the term before and W/we just thought it was His good clean Midwest upbringing that brought on these feelings. Haha..!
    Of course, it makes complete sense that Top Drop would go equally in hand with sub drop. After all, aren't W/we merely halves to the O/other?
    Thanks again, D, for this post. He and I had a good chuckle over the Q&A; section of it too!

    @Week bi Week … I am sorry to hear your opinion on "true" Dom/mes. Apparently, you haven't had the opportunity to find One yet.

  9. @Anneals_ruby: I'm glad you found it too! You and your Dom might also read this, drop. It's a pretty accurate account of my thought process during "cool down" time with my sub, particularly when I start to fall into drop.

    I think it's good to remember that Dom/mes often need aftercare too.

    And BTW, Week Bi Week was kidding. :)

  10. D… that "drop" link goes to a page that is unavailable. :-(

    Good to hear though, that Week Bi Week was kidding.

  11. Sorry about that. I messed up the code for the link. It's here.

    Or, copy and paste this: http://www.dumbdomme.com/2011/12/drop.html

    Best of luck to you and your Dom!

  12. Thank You, D… the link works now.

    One of the most positive things that Sir Anneal and I have, is communication. W/we talk about everything. The good, the bad and the ugly. Communication is a very large part of who W/we are together. And for U/us, it works!

    Thank You so much for the well wishes. To You and Yours, also!

  13. I had my first real top drop about 2 weeks ago. ken had stepped into the shower and I was stood there thinking “what about me?” which is hilarious when you consider that the activities for the hour before that were all about me LOL. I got into the shower and had him wash me… I felt better after that :-) it only acted to prolong his subspace

    • @Elsie: Unfortunately, I generally get the drop after J and I part ways, so there isn’t as much opportunity to have him help me struggle out of the drop. Plus, I realized I was getting annoying with all of my “are you okay?” and “are you sure you aren’t upset with me?” calls and messages the next day, so I try to deal with it on my own.

      For his part, he’s been much better about calling or sending a message the next day that lets me know he’s fine and he enjoyed himself. And most of the time, I believe him. :)

      • Ahh, I get that feeling too. At this stage ken stays for 3 or 4 days so by the time he leaves it is like plummeting off a cliff. It is not just the post play drop, it’s the post having him around helping me out just generally loving me drop :-(

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