Over on Submissive in Seattle, Peroxide (kinda) asked whether a dominant woman would prefer a submissive male that she must “domesticate” or a submissive male that is a “perfectly well behaved, tidy and otherwise mature.”
I tried to respond a couple of times, but something got messed up with my WordPress login info and the interwebs kept eating my responses. *grumble*
The gist of my intended response was this:
- First, I think there is huge difference between “domestication” (as civilizing a “wild” man) and “domestication” (teaching or expecting a man to do stereotypically “female” chores and tasks).
- Second, the seeming dichotomy between a “wild” man and a “domesticated” one is a logical fallacy of false dilemma. Most men (most people) aren’t “either/or” creatures. They aren’t either “wild” or “domestic,” but somewhere in the middle.
- Third, (and Peroxide already knows this) everybody has different preferences.
But besides all that, his post got me thinking: What sort of non-sexual skills and abilities do I look for in a potential partner?
Of course, I’m attracted to intelligence, good looks, creativity, and a good sense of humor, but besides those things, what else do I want?
DESIRED SKILLS & ABILITIES
Sure, I can change a flat tire and change the oil in my car, but I don’t want to do that stuff. My ideal man can take care of basic car care, including monthly checks of my oil, tire pressure, and battery. He can change a flat, change the oil, replace wiper blades, and wash, wax, and detail my car. (I once dated a man who couldn’t change his own windshield wiper blades and I found this entirely unattractive.)
Wiring, Electrical, & Basic Home Improvement:
My ideal partner can install light switches and install the wiring necessary for a ceiling fan or an overhead light fixture. He should be able to lay tile and grout, paint walls, do a little dry wall, and have basic carpentry skills. He should be able to fix leaky faucets, test A/C units, seal windows, replace screens, and know how to use a pressure washer.
Finances, Taxes, and Investments:
I’ve been financially independent for over a decade and I’m very responsible with my money–I have no student loans and I don’t spend frivolously. With that said, I have no idea how to do my own taxes or how to invest. I’ve always farmed that work out to boyfriends, friends, or paid people to do it for me. I have no mind for math and absolutely no interest in figuring it out on my own.
Lawn Care & Gardening:
Like automotive care and home improvement, I can do most of this stuff, but I don’t want to! I don’t want to mow the lawn, weed my garden, plant saplings, trim shrubs, groom palm trees, or mess with my composter.
Basic Facility with Technology & Home Electronics:
I don’t mind taking responsibility for the bulk of desktop and laptop hardware and software computer issues. I’m better with computing technologies than most people I meet. However, my ideal man should have basic computing skills and be able to maintain and protect his own machine.
Additionally, I’d like a man who knows how to hook up the cable wires to the cable box, hook up the television, sound system, and other peripherals to wherever the fuck they’re supposed to go. I’m good with computer hardware and software, but I fucking hate dealing with wires and home electronics installations.
I don’t need a trained masseuse, but I’d like someone who enjoys giving massage, specifically, foot massage. My feet always hurt–I have almost no “fat pad” (cushioning) on my heels (blame years of cross-country running, and the years of bartending and waitressing that paid for school). My ideal man needs to love my feet in the form of long and frequent foot massages.
In the next post, I think I’ll cover the sorts of skills and abilities I’m not looking for….
If you’re submissive, what skills and abilities are you proud to offer? If you’re dominant, what skills and abilities are you looking for? Let me know via email, Formspring, “ask me,” or in the comments.