Mar 212012
 
J’s response to “weekend post-mortem.” I’ll include my overthinking and reading-too-much-into-this after his response.
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Ma’am,

I’m glad to hear you are more comfortable with not giving me what I want. I really am :)

As you have probably noticed, I tend run hot and stay hot, which simply leads to wanting and more wanting for me. So, I am pleased as punch to hear you can shut that out and relax.

Of course, the nonsense people write about subs that live to please Dommes makes me laugh. Because while a sub should do their best to acquiesce and adapt to the head space of a Domme, the dynamic wouldn’t work if the sub was not indulged at times. The point is, of course, that you decide when to indulge and when not to. There is an overlap between what you want and what I want, and then there are times when you may enjoy giving me a small bit of what I’m after — and there are times when you just shrug and left me twist in my own head.

I enjoy being submissive to you, in part, because you enjoy using me. If you didn’t and decided to push me to be something else, it wouldn’t be either fun or effective. Don’t get me wrong, pushing is one of the hotter parts of BDSM, but there is a difference between the reality of adjusting someone to better meet your needs, and expecting someone to change completely because their wants/needs do not suit you. (you know all this, but I’m saying it anyway.).

You enjoy control. You enjoy having me vulnerable. You enjoy fucking me, owning me, and some of the feelings that go along with all that. So when I’m naked and underneath you, I’m already getting what I want. That’s the fucking point! If the top or bottom of that dynamic is not getting hot from exercising or submitting to that control then why bother?

In other news, you fucked me so good the other night. You were sweet, and gentle, and drained all of the come out of my balls. That you first hurt, owned, and said I smelled like your boy only made getting fucked well that much sweeter. When you cover me up, inhale me, and I tell me I’m about to get drained — that is just fucking hot. The more I know you are enjoying it, the more I want to open up and try to give you more of the tender bits in my head. I look forward to opening up more for you and having all my moaning and wanton sluttiness get you hotter to hurt me, and pry me open, and get high off the control and the trust necessary to relinquish it.

As for ‘reading your mind,’ I’m not so sure about that. But I am getting better at picking up on whatever ‘neutral’ mood you slip into and try not to push when I see you have settled there.

Anyway, I had fun with you last night, and it was good to sleep under you like that. Bound and plugged with you draped over me is even hotter :)

I was disappointed that you didn’t use me more, but it was really fucking hot that you wanted it earlier in the day — and honestly, I was so far under you, I didn’t fucking care… especially when you plugged me up and secured my headspace. You are getting good at that by the way. You are getting good at manipulating my body and head using your hands and other things. When I’m resting my head in your lap, I feel secured and loved, and when I’m flat under you with holes impaled and pink parts abused, I feel owned and valued.

Thank you for sharing your weekend and thank you for being so sweet and taking care of me.

Yours,
~J

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DumbDomme overthinking in 3, 2, 1…. Go!

“you know all this, but I’m saying it anyway.” If I know this, and he knows I know this, then why do I feel like he’s schooling me?

“If you . . . decided to push me to be something else, it wouldn’t be either fun or effective.” Is he suggesting I’m pushing him to be something else? What am I pushing him to be? Does he think that because I only fucked his ass and drained him dry (and didn’t sit on his face), I’m turning all vanilla?

“There is an overlap between what you want and what I want, and then there are times when you may enjoy giving me a small bit of what I’m after.” Um, oral sex, facesitting, queening, right? Surprise, surprise.

And so, of course, it comes back around to two nagging issues.

1. whether or not I’m “dominant enough”
2. facesitting, and my seeming inability to get off from oral sex

At this point, I’m not sure if they’re more my issues or more his issues?  *grumble*

Dammit. Time to go draft a response to the response…

  One Response to “post-mortem response”

  1. Topping.
    This isn't constructive conversation (i.e. what worked for you? what worked for me? I might be willing to try this for longer, etc.)

    Honestly, he seems to be Topping from the bottom but not during play. Sounds like if you don't want him doing this, he needs punishment. Serious punishment.

    "I was disappointed that you didn't use me more" that got to me. If he is going to be submissive to you, he should learn to shut the fuck up and be happy that you even touched him.

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