I am far from perfect. At times, I’m indecisive, inarticulate, and I’m fairly manic in terms of my emotions (although I’m quite proud of the degree to which I manage them, or at least, the appearance of them).
But I also have a host of terrific qualities. Among other things, I am kind, patient, understanding, and forgiving–too much, perhaps, and to such a degree I understand that I might be a “bad” Domme, or perhaps, it means I’m not a Domme at all. While I don’t want to be a “bad” anything, in my more settled moments, I’m at peace with the fact I might not be what I thought I was, or perhaps, with my not being the textbook definition of “dominant” (as if there is one).
But I am human.
Like most humans–dominant, submissive, partnered, single, or otherwise–I have certain expectations of people I allow in my life. I have “rules,” or expectations, for all of the people I consider friends, and moreso for that person who I might consider as a potential partner. One of the rules is this:
“Do what you say you will do, even if it seems minor. If you offer or agree to do something, I expect you to follow through.”
I’ve forgiven, dismissed, and blown off a few of J’s mistakes, in large part because 1) I understand that life gets in the way of D/s, particularly in a driving distance relationship, and 2) because I love J more than I love the idea of having a submissive. I loved him first, and submission is just part of the package. J’s submission is part of who he is, not the other way around.
But for fuck’s sake, don’t say you’re going to do something and then fail to follow through.
It’s only little things, small kindnesses, promised notes or responses. They’re little things that really shouldn’t matter at all. But because we’re in a driving distance relationship, all we have are little things, and so those little things really are big things… because they’re the only things. (At least, they’re the only things outside of play and sex.)
“I would like to respond to this when I’m not on work overload”
“More to follow after this bullshit project! :)”
“Will drop a better note later.”
–That note never came.
I know, I know. A “good” Domme would demand what she was offered, what she was told to expect. But maybe I’m just not that type. I don’t want the sort of sub — or the sort of man — who needs to be asked for what I’ve been told to expect.
I refuse to remind you to give me what you offered. It feels too much like begging and I will not beg.
I refuse to be angry or annoyed at this sort of thing–I won’t stamp my feet and act like a petulant child when I’m not given what I’ve been offered, what I expected. I have more important things to do.
I refuse to punish you for silliness because I’m not playing games.
(There’s a terrifically easy solution here: stop offering.)