Feb 182012

I have half a mind to take the ginger back to the market where I bought it, slam it down on the counter, and demand a refund. Well, I might consider asking for my money back if part of it hadn’t already been in someone’s ass. I might be uncomfortable explaining the problem to the grocery store clerk.

I wonder how that conversation would go?

Clerk: “Hello, Ma’am. How can I help you?”

Me: “Yes, I’d like to return this ginger.”

Clerk: “What’s wrong with it?”

Me: “It doesn’t work.”

Clerk: “What do you mean it doesn’t work? It looks perfectly fine to me. Did you use some of it in a recipe?”

Me: “No. I didn’t use it in a recipe. I put it in my submissive’s ass and nothing happened. It doesn’t work and I’d like my money back.”

Clerk: [silence….]

I took a special trip out to the market, selected a good hand, and I took a considerable amount of time peeling it, and painstakingly carving it into a plug and several julienne sticks all with perfectly rounded ends.

We tried some urethral figging and J appeared unphased. I was disappointed with the effect, and so we tried the ginger butt plug. No fireworks there either. I was unsure if I had a bad hand of ginger or whether J’s pain tolerance was particularly high.

Frustrated, I quickly and crudely peeled and cut another piece, shoved it into my pussy, and spent the next twenty minutes going about my business. Nothing… no burn, no tingle, no nothing.

That was a let down. Stupid ginger.

Oh well. 

(Now I read that some people let the ginger “ferment” before using it? According to the interwebs, “fermenting” ginger for figging means leaving it int the fridge in a plastic bag until the skin discolors and mold spots develop. No thanks. It’s strange enough shoving perfectly good produce into someone’s ass. There’s no way I’m shoving moldy produce into someone’s ass.)

  9 Responses to “defective ginger”

  1. I'm gone a week or so and it's like you just go on living your crazy, sexy life without me;-) I can see that I have a lot of catching up to do….

  2. Haha, I have to say this is pretty funny, since ginger up the ass seems to be every submissive's worst fear. At least according to the internets. Although, one blog I read has graduated to horseradish. Maybe next time?

  3. "…I might consider asking for my money back if part of it hadn't already been in someone's ass."

    Oh my god!! That was completely and utterly hilarious!

    *still laughing*


  4. The key is to buy local farm produce. The active figging chemicals, the volatile gingerols and shogaols, degrade quickly. GMG-AFV (genetically modified ginger-antifigging variety) is also frequently a problem. We now have a great Figging Farmers Market here with 100% money back guarantee on every ginger purchase.

  5. @DDD: "you just go on living your crazy, sexy life"
    I wish there was more sexy and less crazy.

    @Liza: "graduated to horseradish. Maybe next time?"
    Now that's an idea!

    @Ferns: "That was completely and utterly hilarious!"
    It might have been if I actually took the ginger back and explained why. Maybe next time. :)

    @Anon: "We now have a great Figging Farmers Market here"
    Gingerols are the key! Screw the BDSM farmer's market… I'm looking into planting my own. :)

  6. Mistress Ivey just updated her blog (Becoming a Mistress) with an embedded YouTube elaborating on different objects used in anal play.


    If you thought using ginger was something odd, take a look at these.

  7. @luv2serve25: I actually didn't think ginger was all that odd. I'm careful… no worries for J. He's in good hands. :)

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