Dec 102011
 

File this under “stuff I should have thought about.”

So I’ve been corresponding with Cutie McSub* for a few weeks. [hello there, Cutie–I know you’re reading]  We “met” on FetLife, we’ve chatted, exchanged adorably sweet emails, and I’ve gone so far as to send him a photo of my face and chat with him on cam. And lucky me… he’s local!

So he’s asked to meet, and I’d really like to meet. He seems sweet, smart, clever, and if nothing else, perhaps we could be friends. Sounds great, right?

Except… and here’s the part I should have thought about… he’s read the blog, and while he’s fine with what’s here, he doesn’t want me to write about him.

Isn’t that disappointing?

I’ve made my position clear–I will write about whatever and whomever I want, but I’ve also explained that I won’t give away any identifying information. And now, we seem to be at an impasse.

Perhaps he will reconsider?

*Names have been changed to protect the unwilling.

  11 Responses to “stuff I should have thought about”

  1. Given the fact that you write anonymously about anonymous others, I think he's being unreasonable.

    This is YOUR space. And if you're like me, it's where you explore, process and discover things about your life and yourself. He should WANT you to write about him.

    Plus, you're the Domme for damn sake. Cutie McSub just might need to be stripped of his sub stripes. Or striped with sentence strips…

  2. Hopefully he will reconsider. After all, your blog is part of you, thusly part of what attracted him.

    If he is worried about finding out what you really think, then he would be silly to meet with someone who he knows blogs.

    If he is worried about his identity being revealed, then he should notice that you blog anonymously and reveal identities. Outing him would out you… and he is no likelier to be outed by your blog than by his own FetLife account.

    I appreciate people's sense of privacy, but again, he knows about the blog going in. He has to decide whether he can deal with that.

  3. @DDD: "need to be stripped of his sub stripes. Or striped with sentence strips… "

    Or sentenced to stripes. :)

    @WBW: "thusly part of what attracted him"

    I know! Silly boy…

  4. I can *so* relate!!

    When I asked e how he felt about it, with this new thing building between us, he sensibly said "I assumed it's what I signed up for when I fell for a blogger. It's like being with a songwriter and being shocked that they wrote a song about you."

    You are in exactly the same position as me now (welcome to it!) where *even if you write about it* you have to consider how what you will write will impact someone else in this pseudo anonymity. I don't want my blog to be used as a cop out for communication, so I don't feel like I can write anything that we haven't completely covered already. This is easy when he is he mine already. Not so easy when you are building something and want to just get doubts/bitchiness/fuckery off your chest. Mind you, I have also already floated the idea of banning e from reading the blog (and I have done this before with another also). I trust that they keep their word.

    Having said all that, however tempting the hard line is, you have to ask: What will make you happier: having a boy who you can't write about or writing about a boy who you don't have?

    Ferns

  5. PS To add another 'me too'… when I started the blog, I had my boy already, so I had not at all thought of this either…

    Ferns

  6. @Ferns: "I don't want my blog to be used as a cop out for communication"

    Well, I do use the blog as a cop out for communication, with J, at least. I assume I wouldn't/couldn't do that with a new boy who knows I'm writing.

    "when I started the blog, I had my boy already"

    And I'm assuming when you started, you knew who you were, what you wanted, and what you wanted/needed from a partner. I'm still figuring that out.

    "Having said all that, however tempting the hard line is, you have to ask: What will make you happier: having a boy who you can't write about or writing about a boy who you don't have?"

    Actually, I'm still hoping for the third option–that new boy comes to his senses and decides he's willing to be written about. :)

  7. Wait! More thoughts…

    "Having said all that, however tempting the hard line is"

    I think it is a hard line because it's new and there's not a ton of investment on either of our parts. Now, if someone I had been dating for a while asked me not to write about him, I think I would consider the request (I think?).

  8. D: "Well, I do use the blog as a cop out for communication, with J, at least. I assume I wouldn't/couldn't do that with a new boy who knows I'm writing."

    Sorry, I obviously wasn't clear. You use it as a journal, not as a communication tool… that's not a cop out.

    By cop out, I meant in the sense that I will not use it in a way where he finds out 'stuff' from reading the blog that I have not brought up with him already. I will not put us in a position of having him reading the blog and be blindsided with passive aggressive crap that makes him go 'woah… what?!', (though I'm fine with him going to the blog and being blindsided with 'OMG, that's hot!').

    My point was that even with his permission, your blog will not be the same place when your potential is reading it. It will be fine when things are going well. It will be fraught if they are not because you will probably *want* to write about it, but the potential for damage becomes huge.

    "Actually, I'm still hoping for the third option–that new boy comes to his senses and decides he's willing to be written about. :)"

    *smile* Yes, though see above.

    "I think it is a hard line because it's new and there's not a ton of investment on either of our parts. Now, if someone I had been dating for a while asked me not to write about him, I think I would consider the request (I think?)."

    Yes, I can see that, though, funnily, I am the other way. I'd be more likely to take a soft line first, but when/if he's mine, *then* he is much more likely to lose any say.

    Just change your mind, Cutie McSub… are you seriously going to miss out on meeting D because of this? Are you insane?!!

    Ferns

  9. @Ferns: "You use it as a journal, not as a communication tool… that's not a cop out."

    Well, my misinterpretation is telling. :) I do use it as a receptacle for "communication" I should probably send to the actual subject about which it is written. I say too much. Great for a blog–not always great for a relationship.

    "I'd be more likely to take a soft line first, but when/if he's mine, *then* he is much more likely to lose any say."

    I guess I can see that, actually. I'm feeling a little guilty that J doesn't know about the blog, especially since I'm considering seeing another boy who does.

    @Cutie McSub: Did you see what Ferns said? "Just change your mind, Cutie McSub… are you seriously going to miss out on meeting D because of this? Are you insane?!!"

    Did ya? Did ya? Did ya see that? Two of us agree!

    P.S.: Get that fantasy out of your head. Now.
    P.P.S: If you come to your senses, I'll use your initial. I feel ridiculous typing "Cutie McSub."

  10. Yeah.. Cutie McSub…. just let her write about you and stop reading it yourself. Problem solved!

    How are you going to submit to her desires if you balk at this????

  11. @Troy: "just let her write about you and stop reading it yourself."

    That's what I've been saying! :) He seems to be bending, but no official word just yet. Here's to hoping I don't lose interest first.

    (Not a threat, C. McSub, but a reality)

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