Dec 182011

We went to lunch on Friday. He was a perfect gentleman–he was sweet and beautiful and made good conversation. He seemed a little reserved though, slightly distant, but very polite. Maybe too polite.

I spent most of the time poking at a salad and screaming in my head. When he’s sitting across from me like that, especially when I can’t touch him, all I want is to knock him the fuck over, shove my tongue into his mouth, unzip his pants just enough to get at his cock and spend a good hour fucking him into the floor. Of course, people frown on that sort of behavior in a restaurant, so I just made conversation and toyed with my lunch. We didn’t talk about relationship stuff, we just caught up and chatted about current events. It was nice, uneventful, but nice.

I like “nice,” but without feeling the D/s dynamic vibes from him, it’s all just so friendly and normal and boring. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t need to Domme someone at lunch, but it was strange to sit there with beautiful, violent, possessive thoughts in my head without feeling the complimentary vibe from him. Inasmuch as I haven’t been sure about what to do with J, I still wanted to feel that push and pull. I miss it.

He walked me to my car and leaned down to kiss my cheek. That switch in my head flipped and I felt nearly outraged that he would only offer me a kiss on the cheek, that he wouldn’t offer me his mouth. Fuck that. It’s still my fucking mouth, at least until I say otherwise. A split second before he would have touched his lips to my cheek, I caught him by the jaw, and jerked his head so he looked me in the eye. I pulled him off balance a little and he was forced to shift his feet. He widened his stance, bringing his face closer to mine (he’s a bit taller than I am)…. and that’s when I saw it–that unexplainable flash of nervousness in his eyes–it was small, but certainly present. That’s the vibe I wanted.

I gripped him at the back of his neck, angled his head so I could get to his mouth and kissed him sloppily and violently–our teeth clashed and I bit his tongue and sucked on his lower lip. He didn’t so much kiss back as just open his mouth and take it. I reached around and grabbed a handful of his ass and pulled his crotch into mine. He was already hard. I mauled his face and grinded against him until I heard a car engine start nearby and remembered that we were in a public parking lot. I pulled away then, but goddammit I had been wanting to do that. I needed it.

I nearly laughed when I collected myself enough to look at him. His legs were wide, arms hung limp at his sides, and his mouth was still hanging open. He was visibly hard–his khaki pants did little to hide his erection.

He looked down at his crotch, wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, and stammered, “Thank you, Ma’am.” He didn’t smile–he just looked embarrassed and blank.

I took a half step forward and pulled at his shirt sleeve. He obediently bent his head so I could reach him and I kissed his cheek. “I miss you,” I said. “I’ll call you in a couple of days.”

He only nodded and stood there, stupidly, while I got into my car and pulled away. I checked in the rearview mirror as I pulled out of the parking lot–he was still standing there as I drove away.

So much for being decisive.


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