Nov 032011

About a week ago, I went to a lecture/discussion led by a retired pro-Domme, now lifestyle Domme. Nothing she said was all that enlightening, but she was a good speaker and shared some interesting stories.

I noticed that during her talk, she seemed to be speaking to me–literally, speaking to me (or at me?). Perhaps I read too much into it, but she made a lot of eye contact and interacted with me much more than she did with the other people in the room.

After the presentation, she approached me, and the short exchange we had kind of weirded me out. What follows is a ramble I scribbled down when I got home. I don’t know what the hell it is or what it was supposed to do. But here it is… guts and garters, right? I never promised it would make sense.

“Having troubles in love, love?”

It seemed like my words from her mouth, only her voice was steadier and more assertive. Her features, my face in fifteen years, yet happier than I imagined. Hopeful. She was comfortable in her own skin, although mine might fare better, assuming that I commit to my sunscreen. To her credit, I’m sure she smiles more than I do.

She owned the room well enough. And me too, until she chose to call me out.

“Troubles in love, love?”

You aren’t my Domme, I thought, with slight offense at her assumption. But still, I see the appeal in giving in, giving over… maybe giving up. There was momentary hesitation, my wanton lust for direction, for friendship.

“Oh. No. But thank you,” I said and turned away.

  6 Responses to ““troubles in love?””

  1. Um… maybe she just wanted to help, genuinely, because she obviously saw something (rightly or wrongly). No 'domming the Domme' thing at all.

    I do that sometimes, if I see 'something': I offer an ear to random people (hence my comment), and I do wonder if sometimes I sound as if I am patronising them (or prying). I'm not.

    Mind you, I don't call random people 'love', though some young woman in a store recently called me 'love'. Does that mean I am now so old that she sees me as doddering old granny and she is trying to be sweet in that way of gentle hand patting and condescending tilting of the head. Arrggghh!

    I am laughing at my own comment. NaNo is turning me into a compulsive blurter of random stuff… I guess this is a good thing in terms of writing volume, not so great in terms of 'making sense, like… ever again…'!


  2. Interesting moment captured well… and good to reflect on what made her (almost) compelling whether simply offering help or pushing a bit further. It does seem a bit cheeky to call someone 'love' in that context. Of course better that than 'sweetie' or 'my dear'.

  3. @Ferns: "…doddering old granny…"

    I think not! I’m quite sure that any canes you have in your possession aren’t for propping yourself up. :)

    I do think she saw something (although I have no idea what it was, and I'm not even sure I want to know) and I didn't see her as anything other than genuine. In fact, I found her sweet and smart and kind… I just felt "outed" somehow. I don't know. It didn't help that she looked like me and had my mannerisms, or perhaps, I had hers. That was freaky.

    In any case, my scribbling wasn't really in response to her, but in response to my response to her. That clarifies everything, right? ;)

  4. @DC: I hadn't thought of that, the "love" thing (as opposed to other language she might have used). While I have an almost automatic dislike of pet names in general, it seems I have some soft spot for being called "love." It's incredibly intimate, to me at least, and really important that it's used genuinely–like a kiss on the forehead–it's personal, and protective, and loving. It's the kind of thing I wouldn't want someone to say or do without meaning it.

    Maybe that was part of my simultaneous attraction/repulsion?

    You're a smart one, DC. And despite the relative impersonal nature of font on screen, you've managed to give me a little comfort in my storm of crazy. Thank you for that.


  5. I hope that you have had an opportunity to follow up with her! What better way to clear up the mystery than to simply ask her?

    I find there tends to be far too much posturing among many dominants. All afraid they are going to be shown up by someone else – which is a real shame, because there is a great deal of information and experience out there, that people close themselves off from for fear of looking silly or inexperienced.

  6. @Troy: "I hope that you have had an opportunity to follow up with her".

    No, actually, I haven't. I'm not sure if I would. It's not so much that I'd be afraid she'd show me up (I'd bet the world that she could!), but more that I'm not sure how to talk about all of this in a coherent way.

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