Nov 302011

I know better.

I know better than to be self-conscious about my body, about something that’s perfectly normal, but I can’t help it. Besides educating myself, there isn’t much I can do about whatever programming exists in my brain that makes me hate my pink parts.

What I can do is admit to myself and apparently, to the entire interwebs, that I hate my labia.

And I hate that I hate my labia. I’m ashamed that I’m a sex-positive, well-educated woman who hates her own body.

I came to think my nether regions were ugly a couple of years ago. My labia shame developed, I believe, as a result of a combination of things: changes in my body around age 25, my introduction to pornography, and the seeming ubiquitous use of the godawful phrase “meat curtains.” No joke. I remember the first time I heard the phrase on television–it took me about five seconds to realize what it meant, realize it was a criticism, and realize that I owned an epic set of meat curtains.

I hate my labia because it’s fucking huge–labia minora (I think). Major, minor, vulva, whatever… the whole set-up down there is just ridiculously enormous. I’m not talking “Oh, you can see them” large… I’m talking embarrassingly huge.

Of course, when I’m embarrassed, I make jokes. I’ve made jokes about my labia to hide the shame, to “admit” to the epic labia in my possession to partners before any possibility of nakedness. I make fun of myself before anyone else has a chance to. Ironically, no one else has. I’ve never had a man run screaming for the door after seeing me naked, but still, the embarrassment is there. Honestly, it’s ginormous…

large labia embarasment genitals pussy pride

flying tree squirrel
yep, it looks like this, but not as furry

My pussy could be mistaken for a flying tree squirrel.

It’s so large that I can never run naked through a field. My labia might catch the wind and I’d be pulled into the air like a kite.

If I got pushed out of a plane, I could whip off my pants and use my labia as a parachute to float me gently to earth.

So… um…. I have no conclusion.

I’m not looking for any reassurance that I’m normal. I know I’m normal, but I can’t help that I’m embarrassed. I just thought I’d share my embarrassment since that’s what part of what this thing is all about anyway.

Some links that should have helped me feel better, but didn’t. (My embarrassment has nothing to do with misinformation.)

  • documentary: The Perfect Vagina (you can watch for free–it didn’t help, but it’s good)
  • A Vulva Looks Like THAT? Demystifying Female Genitalia

Two links that did help (a little).

It’s getting chilly here. If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to wrap myself up in my gigantic labia for warmth.

  25 Responses to “labia shame”

  1. Great! Thanks for destroying my naive bliss. I'd never heard of 'meat curtains' till you just posted it.

    Luckily, I can't hang the term meat curtains on anyone. I don't remember the look of a single pair of labia that I've met. I guess my head (mind, lips, tongue) is in some delightful intoxicated place… and all is beautiful and welcoming in that nether region.

    So stand proud in the mirror and say "ILML!" (I love my labia!)

  2. What a totally honest post, I imagine that wasn't easy to write. When I read it, I was thinking "I am soo pointing you to the Great Wall of Vagina". I freaking LOVE that!

    It makes me so frigging angry. Really really angry. With all the fucking body fascism out there (like we don't have enough to feel bad/insecure about!), now our pussies/vaginas/vulva/cunts/whatever the fuck are not supposed to look, smell, or taste like actual pussy!??!! FUCK YOU!!!!

    Thanks, I feel better now.


  3. @DC: You can't hang meat curtains on anyone? Ha! For real, sorry for introducing you to to the term. Nasty thing.

    @Ferns: I know, I know. I hate that I hate, and I'm ashamed that I'm embarrassed. I know I'm normal.

    For the record, I've been told my pussy tastes like sunshine and pure joy. Frankly, I believe it. ;)

  4. Back, still thinking about this. It's not rational, I understand that, it's an insidious thing that weasels into your head and sniggers in there like some tiny evil gremlin, poking at you with dirty sharpened claws.

    I *thought* did a post on it also, and here it is (ranty rant rant): Q&A;: Labia fascism and in the comments I put a link to this program, which theorises that censorship (in Australia) has led to an increase in the requests for labiaplasty.


    "I've been told my pussy tastes like sunshine and pure joy."

    But that, that is just awesome!


  5. @Ferns: From your post, "soft porn laws here in Australia dictate that showing protruding labia is 'obscene' whereas a 'slit' is not" < -- Wha? That's frigging ridiculous. The link doesn't work outside Australia--boo. I'll try to find it elsewhere later today. Also, the woman with "one labia larger then the other," has my sympathy (for the embarrassment, not for the labia), but come on… mine looks like a flying tree squirrel! Might use my labia as a sarong today and hit the beach… :)

  6. I bet your pussy is gorgeous. So there ;).

  7. Also, thanks for that tumblr. Admitting I have a bit of a fetish, methinks.

  8. D: "Wha? That's frigging ridiculous. The link doesn't work outside Australia–boo"

    I know! It IS ridiculous! I will take a look also and let you know if I find another source.

    And PS, I don't like the jokes. I get your point, but you should stop doing that. Seriously.

    Yes, I totally said 'should'!!


  9. I find it strange really. As a man I just love any kind of cunt, but large labia are just so cool and fascinating. They open up so many new roads to delight the lady who should be so proud to be blessed with them.

    But I think you will get over your current feelings towards yours, particularly since its a relatively new change of attitude in your case. I just hope you get to enjoy them and appreciate them as much as I would love to.

    Every woman/person is different and beautiful in her own right. It would be so fucking boring if everyone looked exactly the same …. not to mention complicated. :-) I'd rather have the fascination and the fun any day.

  10. I have met many women very proud of their long lips… (I cast them in plaster. Its my job.)
    No shame, just joy…and beauty!

  11. @Manuela: "I cast them in plaster. Its my job."

    I checked your profile and found your website–very interesting work! Reminds me of the Great Wall of Vagina project. It's very good work you do, work that helps women (and men, and couples) celebrate the diversity and beauty of the female body. Three cheers to you!

  12. @Anonymous: "I'd rather have the fascination and the fun any day."

    I'm trying to get to that point too. Thank you for your sweet words! Wish everyone was like you. :)

  13. I know this is completely missing the point, but I think that picture is a sugar glider, not a flying squirrel. A friend in college had one, and i was such a cute little critter.

    • @Neophyte: Ha! Yes, I think you’ve missed the point. However, I’ll be more careful about describing myself as looking more like a sugar glider than a flying squirrel from this point forward. :)

  14. @LifeOfLiriope @Heather_Cole1 @Nikki_Blue1 @kneeldeelon Mine are! Mine look like a flying tree squirrel, in flight. :)

  15. I recently started reading your blog… started going backwards, and then decided to go forward and start from the beginning

    … and I decided I needed to delurk on this post:

    My inner labia are two different sizes. I have a meat curtain and a meat valance, so to speak.

    It goes with the whole sometimes your body isn’t even, and thusly, my left side is bigger than my right. My fingers are longer, my left breast is noticeably bigger, my left foot is almost half a shoe size bigger…. and my left labia is at least three times the size if the right one.

    … and this is probably the first time I’ve ever really admitted how that is a true fact about me. I usually just keep it in terms if my hands and feet. So at least you’re even?

    • Hello wish!

      I’m so glad you delurked! Backwards or forwards, I’m glad you’re reading along!

      My inner labia are two different sizes. I have a meat curtain and a meat valance, so to speak.

      Meat curtain and meat valance? Oh, wish… and now I think I love you! That’s the best line ever!!! And now I might have to think of all of my body parts in terms of home furnishings!

      Sometimes when I’m lying down, my tits are like the couch cushions that get jammed up under the back of the couch. If I’m bending over, they’re like a pendulous chandelier… swinging ever so gently…

      So at least you’re even?

      Nope. Not even at all. My left breast is bigger, and so is my left thigh. Both noticeably so.

      Sometimes my left breast peeks up over my bra cups and makes an ugly little bulge. My right breast stays right where it is.

      When I wear a tightish skirt and have to walk for any distance, the left thigh being bigger means my skirt inches around me counterclockwise. Depending on how far I walk, it will do a complete 360 degree rotation around me and come back to where it was supposed to be.

      My right foot is slightly bigger, perhaps a half shoe size… I’m not sure.

      As for my labia, they’re definitely different, but they’re both so freaking huge that it wouldn’t be noticed. Plus, I’d have to pull them out to measure and then they might catch wind and I’d fly away like an errant kite caught in the breeze… ;)

      So, no, I’m not even… not at all!

      I know we’re supposed to love our bodies, and I try to love my own… but sometimes, I don’t. I’m ashamed and embarrassed sometimes and generally unhappy with this or that. And then there is the shame that comes with being a relatively educated, liberated woman who is still ashamed of her body. It’s shame about shame, really. How sad and sick is that?

      Anyway, hello to you, my uneven sister! Glad you’re reading… it’s good to have you along. :)

  16. I love your candor both – about your body and your feelings. Thank you for being authentic!

  17. And there was me, thinking until recently that there was ONE body part immune to the tyranny of culturally imposed standards of attractiveness.

    But I have to say that personally that although the body part of mine that most resembles curtains (raggedy, wind puffed ones) are my tits when I lean down – think (or maybe not….) stretchmarks adorned E cups after substantial weight loss in middle age – I did wish a few times my inner labia were a tad longer… to make up for the – to follow along the home furnishings theme – well stuffed bolster like quality of what surrounds them.

    • And there was me, thinking until recently that there was ONE body part immune to the tyranny of culturally imposed standards of attractiveness.

      Nope. From your asshole to your elbows, from labia to feet, all of your parts are subject to standards. *grumble*

      For the record, I fucking LOVE “bolsters.” I might try to incorporate that into my bedroom talk… “baby… how about you get down there and fluff my bolsters a little. Mhmm-kay?”

  18. Yes, you should know better.

    The reason the Australian censors ban big puffy pussies is the same as why they’ll ban big erect penises.
    They find them prurient and arousing. It’s not for ugliness.

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