I know better.
I know better than to be self-conscious about my body, about something that’s perfectly normal, but I can’t help it. Besides educating myself, there isn’t much I can do about whatever programming exists in my brain that makes me hate my pink parts.
What I can do is admit to myself and apparently, to the entire interwebs, that I hate my labia.
And I hate that I hate my labia. I’m ashamed that I’m a sex-positive, well-educated woman who hates her own body.
I came to think my nether regions were ugly a couple of years ago. My labia shame developed, I believe, as a result of a combination of things: changes in my body around age 25, my introduction to pornography, and the seeming ubiquitous use of the godawful phrase “meat curtains.” No joke. I remember the first time I heard the phrase on television–it took me about five seconds to realize what it meant, realize it was a criticism, and realize that I owned an epic set of meat curtains.
I hate my labia because it’s fucking huge–labia minora (I think). Major, minor, vulva, whatever… the whole set-up down there is just ridiculously enormous. I’m not talking “Oh, you can see them” large… I’m talking embarrassingly huge.
Of course, when I’m embarrassed, I make jokes. I’ve made jokes about my labia to hide the shame, to “admit” to the epic labia in my possession to partners before any possibility of nakedness. I make fun of myself before anyone else has a chance to. Ironically, no one else has. I’ve never had a man run screaming for the door after seeing me naked, but still, the embarrassment is there. Honestly, it’s ginormous…
My pussy could be mistaken for a flying tree squirrel.
It’s so large that I can never run naked through a field. My labia might catch the wind and I’d be pulled into the air like a kite.
If I got pushed out of a plane, I could whip off my pants and use my labia as a parachute to float me gently to earth.
So… um…. I have no conclusion.
I’m not looking for any reassurance that I’m normal. I know I’m normal, but I can’t help that I’m embarrassed. I just thought I’d share my embarrassment since that’s what part of what this thing is all about anyway.
Some links that should have helped me feel better, but didn’t. (My embarrassment has nothing to do with misinformation.)
- documentary: The Perfect Vagina (you can watch for free–it didn’t help, but it’s good)
- A Vulva Looks Like THAT? Demystifying Female Genitalia
Two links that did help (a little).
It’s getting chilly here. If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to wrap myself up in my gigantic labia for warmth.