Nov 282011
 

For your amusement (and for your information), I present the eighth installment in Dumb Domme’s BDSM Lexicon, “homage.”

View all past entries here.


homage, n.  /ˈ(h)ɑmɪdʒ/ (IPA)   [hom-ij] (spelled) 

Definition & Explanation:

homage, n.: Respect, honor, or reverence shown to a person or a thing. In BDSM, submissives may pay “homage” to their dominant as an acknowledgement of respect. Additionally, a sub may pay “homage” to a dominant’s particular body parts–feet, hands, breasts, cock, pussy, ass, etc–by praising, touching, kissing, and/or generally worshipping.

Homages take various forms: they may be performed in public or in private, may involve ritual or ceremony, may involve praise and/or physical contact, and may be sexual or non-sexual in nature.

Although not as common as what is described above, I’ve read accounts of subs who have been asked to make monetary “homages” or “tributes” to pro-Dommes.

Usage:

“A monetary homage of $20 will be adequate to show your respect, and coincidentally, it’s enough to buy me a pizza.”

“I was fucking around with J and told him that having my elbows stroked got me hot. He seemed to believe me, so I asked him to pay homage. He sucked on my elbow in earnest for about thirty seconds before I fell over laughing. He wasn’t amused.”


Does Dumb Domme?:

Phrased correctly, I guess it’s more like “does Dumb Domme require homages?”

Hell no. I don’t ask for “homages.” In fact, I’m having trouble even typing the word without scare quotes. Respect is fine, but the idea of requiring a sub to “pay homage” to me, or parts of me, doesn’t do anything for me. Although asking a sub to build a shrine to my pussy might make me laugh (what would that look like?) if only I could make the request with a straight face.

I’m all for ritualistic behaviors, but I’m not a fan of detailed rules, requirements, and guidelines for touch, address, appreciation, etc. With that said, I think “homages” are inevitable in a good D/s relationship–worship happens (or at least, it should). Maybe I just hate the term?

Once, only once, I asked a potential sub to write me what (I guess) was a sort of homage. As I’m admittedly vain, I asked him to write about how beautiful I am.

What I received was not good. To be perfectly honest, it sucked. It sucked so bad that I saved it, copied it below, and am interjecting my responses in red. Enjoy.  :)

—————–

Beautiful D,

In thinking of your beauty, it’s important to start inside of you. [what, like my organs?] Your spirit is warm, fine, generous and spiritual. [my spirit is spiritual, okay] You have a stronger side, which is appealing because you can defend yourself if needed. [defend myself? wait, what? why would I need to defend myself? do you realize how creepy this is?]

You possess a large amount of physical beauty, [amount? mhmm-kay…] which does nothing but make the prior qualities shine. Your body is curvy, feminine, and seductive. [curvy? okay, I guess] You carry yourself with confidence and you have a kind of sexiness that has a real weight to it. [weight? is this some sort of a theme?] Some women are waiflike while others strive to look as thin as possible. [WTF are you talking about, motherfucker? I’m 37, 25, 37 bitch! Excuse me for being one sandwich away from what others might call “perfection”] You have all the right curves in all the right places and know exactly how to use them, breasts, hips, and thighs are all perfect in their own way [in their own way? you know this isn’t a compliment, dumbfuck] as you know how to accentuate their appeal with clothing [so, my thighs look nice in pants?] and where they will be most effective on a man’s senses [huh? where are my tits and ass most effective? and seriously, when are tits and ass NOT effective on a man’s senses?] once you have allowed him some intimacy. [wow. intimacy isn’t going to happen, dude, but thanks for playing]
—————–

Homage fail.


works consulted: Dictionary of BDSM Terms BDSM Glossary of Terms Oxford English Dictionary  FetLife a really bad email I received from a potential sub
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  6 Responses to “BDSM Lexicon Entry #8: “Homage””

  1. Ha ha ha! That letter read like a form letter ("And this is the letter that I use for complimenting a woman's beauty…") that could apply (awkwardly) to almost any woman. The only exception is on the weight section, which could easily be edited. Think he keeps it in his Drafts folder? ;-)

    Homage is one of my big roadblocks on accepting a D/s relationship (which my spouse and I are trying to do), so it is interesting to read that you also find it hard to take seriously. I want to be in control, but having some part of me worshipped would make me laugh and having the whole of me worshipped would creep me out.

  2. Moral of the story?
    Some men are just too dumb to be Dumb Dommed.

  3. @WBW: It does seem like a form letter! Honestly, if I were going to write a form letter for this sort of thing, I'd put a little more effort into it than this. Oh well. :)

    I do find homages difficult to take seriously–it seems a little porn-ish to me, and while that's fine, I have enough trouble keeping a straight face as it is. :)

    @DDD: Too dumb to be Dumb Dommed is WAY too dumb. :)

  4. Oh goodness me. I’m glad I’m not the only one too.

    I have a theory here which is that it’s one of techniques or tools used in professional or casual exchanges to create somewhat artificially or maybe just quickly a more adoring and submissive mindset. Because writing or saying sth makes it more likely to be believed by self, that is a known effect in persuasion/brainwashing.

  5. Haha, that text. Jeez, if I were to write a letter about beauty in any context I would be weighing every word. A text that is not beautiful in itself can never transmit the beauty it supposedly describes. That text is awful and I am sorry for the man who thought he was describing beauty but ended up showcasing his own shallowness and insecurity. Even though shallowness and insecurity are common traits in men, generally, I find them appaling. Any submissive who lacks self-confidence can never truly survive a D/s relationship.

    Wow, my post sure sounds bossy and pretty vain. Oh well, now I’ve written it, might as well submit.

    P.S. Love your blog. It’s fantastic.

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