Oct 132011
 

This is a revision of an answer I supplied to a question posted over on the Q & A page. The issue of “going down,” well… it seems to be an issue. For that reason alone, I think it deserves some attention. Reminder: I go by “Dumb Domme,” so please keep in mind that I claim no expertise in dominating. I do, however, have plenty of expertise in blow jobs.


As I took my first tentative steps into BDSM, I read everything I could get my hands on. Honestly, my internet search history and library card check-out records are absolutely shameful!

I read lots and lots about what I should and should not do as a Domme. The advice was often conflicting, saying things like, “Do what you want, but never ever do X or Y!” (Um, but what if I want to do X or Y?) Among the various activities I was advised against was giving oral sex–no going down, no fellatio, no cock sucking, no, no, no. Giving oral sex might be seen as submissive, and if I’m submissive, I’m not dominant, and if I’m not dominant… well, who knows. Maybe the other Dommes wouldn’t let me play in the sandbox with them anymore and the subs would point at me and laugh.

Of course, a lot of the advice I read flew straight out of the window when I actually got into something resembling a D/s relationship. Since then, I tend to recall bits and pieces of what I’ve read at the most inopportune times.

One of those inopportune times was the first time I went down on J. Of course, the words that ran through my head were nearly unintelligible, on the count of the fact there was a cock in my mouth. (You’d be surprised at the similarities between my written voice, the voice-in-my-head, and my actual voice.) In between slurps, I thought, “wait a second… slurp… I’m not supposed to be going down on him… licklick… I’m dominant… suckslurp… he’s not going to respect me… oh fuck it… licklicksucksucksuck…

Despite my fear that I’d accidentally fucked up the power dynamic, that he’d attempt to have me bound and gagged within the hour, nothing terrible happened. Nothing changed at all. I’m still dominant and he’s still sweet, eager to please, and as submissive as ever.

Here’s a secret: I like cock. (There. I said it. And I’ll say it again…)

I like cock. I like going down and I like sex (vaginal, penetrative sex, whatever unsexy term you want to apply to it). But I also like to control the situation, the conditions, and the frequency of such things. Sure, it’s my mouth on his cock (for the time we’re together, it’s really my cock), but it’s something I enjoy. If I like it, and if it’s not on his list of hard limits, it’s something I’m going to do if and when I want to do it.

To J’s credit, he’s never asked for it (he knows better), he doesn’t interrupt me or bother me when I do it, and he’s well aware he’s not allowed to move… not even an inch (if he’s even able). Besides all that, and depending on the dynamic of the relationship, I can’t imagine having more control over a man than when his most sensitive parts are between my teeth, with all of the potential for intense pleasure or incredible pain, or something in the middle (or my personal preference, all of the above).

I know that some Dommes don’t agree–they don’t think it’s a good idea and/or don’t like doing it. I can certainly understand their rationale(s). I can see where going down on a sub might shift the power dynamic in ways that a D/s couple might not want.

But my bottom line is this: if you know yourself, know your partner, and are sure enough of the dynamic, then suck on (or be sucked, as the case may be).

If you’ll excuse me… licklicksucksucksuck…slurp….

(For a particularly sexy account of going down in the context of a D/s context, please see this beautiful piece, titled “blow job,” from the brilliant Ferns over at Domme Chronicles.)
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