As the first light of sun crept through the bedroom window, I heard the muffled knock of one knee on hardwood, and then the other, as J quietly knelt at the foot of my bed. Without opening my eyes, I smiled at the thought of him there, on his knees, waiting for me to wake, and I drifted back to sleep. I’m not sure how much time passed, but a few minutes later…
J: [whispering] Ma’am. Ma’am? Are you asleep? Ma’am?
Me: [still half asleep] Yes… no… what? Are you okay?
After playing, I’m often gripped by the fear that I’ve hurt him–really hurt him. My heart lurched as I realized he might be in some sort of pain that I hadn’t intended to inflict the night before. His broad smile assured me he wasn’t hurt.
J: [still whispering, loudly] Yes, Ma’am, I’m great! I was thinking I would go out and get you some coffee. Would you like something to eat? Some fruit or a bagel or a doughnut?
Several seconds passed as I dragged my sleepy body into a seated position.
Me: …Did you just wake me up to see if I want a fucking doughnut?
He smiled sweetly, obviously pleased with himself at the idea.
J: Yes, love.
Again, several seconds passed as I thought about how to frame my response. I leaned toward him slightly with what I hope was venom in my eyes, and responded in as level a tone as I could manage…