Aug 232011

After all of the lessons I learned on Day One of my shopping adventures, I was dumb enough to try again today. All I really want is a nice pair of stilettos I can wear in the bedroom. Shopping Day Two = failure. After hours wandering the mall with no luck, here is an approximation of the last conversation I had with a sales person before leaving the mall.

Conversation had at Neiman Marcus with a male salesperson, mid 40s, effeminate, possibly gay, at approximately 7pm:

Me: Do you have basic black stilettos in seven and a half, preferably sandals, and wide-widths if possible? I have fat feet. 

Employee: Our best sellers are a pair of [expensive brand] on sale for $199. They’re very comfortable, but I don’t believe stilettos are made in wide-widths.

Me: Stilettos are not comfortable. Do you have anything less expensive? I’m only wearing them for sex.

Employee: For what!?!?

Me: Forget it. Is there like… a ‘stiletto section’ you could point me to?

Employee: Our selections are organized by designer, not by type. [Expensive brand #1] is over there, and [expensive brand #2] is over there…

Me: But you have a whole section of overpriced flip flops of different brands on that wall. Do you have a section like that for fuck shoes?

Employee: [blank stare]

Me: Thanks anyway. [exeunt]

  3 Responses to “Fuck Shoes Fail (or, Shopping Day 2)”

  1. There should totally be a section in shoe stores for fuck shoes. Brilliant!

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