After all of the lessons I learned on Day One of my shopping adventures, I was dumb enough to try again today. All I really want is a nice pair of stilettos I can wear in the bedroom. Shopping Day Two = failure. After hours wandering the mall with no luck, here is an approximation of the last conversation I had with a sales person before leaving the mall.
Conversation had at Neiman Marcus with a male salesperson, mid 40s, effeminate, possibly gay, at approximately 7pm:
Me: Do you have basic black stilettos in seven and a half, preferably sandals, and wide-widths if possible? I have fat feet.
Employee: Our best sellers are a pair of [expensive brand] on sale for $199. They’re very comfortable, but I don’t believe stilettos are made in wide-widths.
Me: Stilettos are not comfortable. Do you have anything less expensive? I’m only wearing them for sex.
Employee: For what!?!?
Me: Forget it. Is there like… a ‘stiletto section’ you could point me to?
Employee: Our selections are organized by designer, not by type. [Expensive brand #1] is over there, and [expensive brand #2] is over there…
Me: But you have a whole section of overpriced flip flops of different brands on that wall. Do you have a section like that for fuck shoes?
Employee: [blank stare]
Me: Thanks anyway. [exeunt]
There should totally be a section in shoe stores for fuck shoes. Brilliant!
I’m still looking for one. I’m convinced that a fuck-shoe section exists, I just have yet to find it. :)
Maybe there’s a secret password, or a special club you have to join?