I’m so fucking sick of this “domestic servitude” bullshit… because it’s bullshit.*
In a heterosexual, vanilla relationship where both partners take on traditional gender roles, the woman does the bulk of the household chores to make the home functional, clean, and organized. When she does this kind of work, it’s called “doing chores,” or “housework.” Sometimes it isn’t called anything at all because it’s invisible labor – it’s stuff that gets done despite the fact that there’s no remuneration, no deadlines, and no real payoff. She gets shit done because shit needs doing.
In a heterosexual, kinky relationship where the woman is the dominant partner, when the submissive male does the chores, it’s called “domestic service.” The male sub does “domestic service” to make his “queen” happy, to elicit her praise, and to earn rewards. He gets shit done because he’s being a “good submissive” — but really, he does it because it turns him on, because it’s part of his fantasies, and because he expects sexy payoffs in return.
I’ve been in a couple of live-in, vanilla, heterosexual relationships where my male partner and I assumed “traditional gender roles.” But for the life of me, I can’t remember one single time that I washed the windows to make my boyfriend smile — I washed windows because they were fucking filthy. I never folded socks and expected praise — I did laundry because neither of us enjoyed wearing stinky socks. Not once did I scrub the toilet in the hopes he would reward me with a vigorous fingerbang.
I never did chores to be subservient to my partners, I did them because they needed done and because that’s the way we decided to split the labor.
To my partners’ credit(s), not once did any of my boyfriends ever change the oil in my car and expect an enthusiastic handy afterwards. I can’t recall a boyfriend ever balancing my checkbook hoping for a blowjob. I don’t think any of the men I’ve lived with took out the trash to make me smile.
They never did their chores because they were subservient, or because they wanted to be subservient — they did stuff because stuff needed done and that was the way we divided the labor.
So let’s be clear here, male subs. In most cases, “domestic service” isn’t about “serving her.” It’s about you. It’s not about getting shit done, making her happy, or “worshiping” her. It’s about what turns you on and what makes you feel subby. It’s about fitting both you and your wife or girlfriend into roles you decided on. It’s about you expecting “domination” in exchange for “domestic servitude.”
And it fucking sucks.
For the record, there’s a difference between “submissive” and “subservient” and your false conflation is neither.
I know, I know — people should be able to do whatever they want to do as long as it isn’t hurting anyone else.
But it kinda is. This whole “man + chores = service” thing isn’t helping women. Maybe it’s helping one woman, or a handful of women (and maybe they love it*), but it isn’t helping women in general.
Of course, you’re entitled to do whateverthefuck you want. You’re entitled to write about it, and you have every right to preach the doctrine of subservience as a means to happiness, handjobs, and heaven.
But you should know it’s fucking offensive to those of us who have been doing “domestic service” for generations for no other reason than shit needs getting done (oh, and because men and culture and patriarchy made us think it was our job).
So you can do it, you can write it, you can preach it, but I don’t have to like it. And I don’t. I wish you would cut it the fuck out because it’s kind of sexist, and presumptuous, and it’s pretty fucking condescending to women (…you know… those people you “worship”).
*There are exceptions to every rule, so STFU about your really really real efforts to be submissive and how much your wife or girlfriend really really appreciates it. I’m sure she does. (Also, shouldn’t you be getting that handjob right now? I mean, you totally did the dishes, right?)