Nov 242014

Today’s reader question is from Hesitant Husband
(who does NOT want to relocate to Cuckold Canyon, CO.)


My wife is naturally dominate. I like playing around but I’m not into the whole cuck thing. I couldn’t deal with that.
If we continue playing around I’m not going to end up like her bitch or a cuck am I? That is not what I want and I don’t think she would want to either.

Femdom isn’t a chronic illness that starts with a command and ends with a locked cock and a dildo in your ass.

Just because you and your wife are “playing around,” it doesn’t mean she’ll end up fucking some other dude while you watch.

I mean, she could end up fucking somebody else, but you might not even be able to watch because she’ll have you locked in a metal cage under the stairs. ;)

Or… it could begin and end with the sort of playing around you’re doing now. There is no inevitable progression to BDSM, kinky fuckery, D/s, femdom, or any other relationship dynamics. Kinky fucking in the bedroom doesn’t have to mean anything outside the bedroom.

Your relationship can be whatever you and your wife decide it should be (…whatever works best for both of you).

P.S. Findings from the most recent study out of the University of FemDom suggest men who know the difference between “dominate” and “dominant” are 57% less likely to become cuckolds in female-led relationships!

“Leather Bondage Cuffs Restraints, Rabbit Fur-Lined” by Black Market Work licensed for noncommercial use with modifications, according to Google.
“Small Male Chastity Device Cock Cage” by Mr. and Mrs., via DHGate. Work licensed for noncommercial use with modifications, according to Google.
“Slave Cage” by I Am A 24/7/365 Slave, (2013). Via the Experience Project. Work licensed for noncommercial use with modifications, according to Google.
Nov 212014

10 things I realized later in life than I should have.
(in no particular order)

  1. We are not “human beans”mannequin is not an acceptable career choice
  2. If I have the presence of mind to compensate for my physiological tell, I am an excellent liar.
  3. “Mannequin” is not an acceptable career choice.
  4. I have terrible rhythm.
  5. There is no “statue of limitations.”
  6. People rarely care (or love, or hate) as much as I think they do.
  7. I throw a wicked left hook.
  8. Sometimes it doesn’t matter how hard you try or how much you love something. Sometimes being good at it is all that matters.
  9. Despite what my mother told me, I am not the prettiest, smartest, most talented little girl in the whole wide world.
  10. Jeff Bridges and Jeff Daniels are two different actors.

“High key mannequin” by Ingo Bernhardt, (2011). Work licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic (CC BY 2.0). [deviation from original: rainbow gradient overlay]
Nov 162014

Throughout our relationship, I was diligent about never asking J for things he wouldn’t do, or couldn’t do. I never asked him to put me above his work, his dreams, or his plans — not even in small ways. I never called on him in such a way that he was forced to choose between what he should do, what he needed to do, and what I wanted him to do. It’s not that I never needed him — I did — I just never asked.

In part, it’s because I never wanted to put him in that position, and in part, it’s because I hate hearing no.’ To me, ‘no’ sounds like rejection, and in my head, it negates things that had nothing to do with whatever-it-is that was asked for.

But I should have.

I should have asked for more.

That realization came to me four months ago just past 2am on a unkempt two lane highway that cuts across the state, halfway between his place and mine.

I spent the prior months in as much blissful denial and sugar-coated idealism as I could maintain. (For the record, my idealism was for the future, not the present.) There was some anger here and there, but it was managed well-enough… because we still had more time. I still had little, happy things to look forward to and small comforts to wrap myself in.

But then I realized I was running out of both.

There was no more time and nothing to look forward to, and then there were no small comforts left.

I had no idea what I intended to say to J that night, but I knew I should have asked for more.

More love? More attention? More reassurance? More time…?

It didn’t matter — he had none left to give. I don’t feel bad for having wanted it, but I would have felt awful if I had asked… because I hate asking, but mostly, because I hate hearing “no.”


Nov 152014
(Habits) Stay High, Tove Lo
You’re gone and I gotta stay
High all the time
To keep you off my mind
High all the time
To keep you off my mind
Spend my days locked in a haze
Trying to forget you babe
I fall back down
Gotta stay high all my life
To forget I’m missing you


Nov 102014

Bears, Boilers, Babygirls, Biology, and Board Games

Today’s reader questions are brought to you by the letter “B.”

bear over double boiler

Could you make me a chocolate teddy bear please?

FFS. Now is not the time for ambiguity! Do you want me to make you a chocolate teddy bear? Or make you into a chocolate teddy bear? By chocolate, do you mean a flavor? Or a color? I can’t possibly help you if you don’t give me all the information.

Since your question is wide open for interpretation, I’m going to have to use my judgment. Go sit in a double boiler and wait for me there.

What is a “babygirl” sex role?

“Baby Girl” is a sex position, not a sex role. It’s when you sit in a pink high chair, wear a bib, and eat strained peas while your partner fucks you with a binky.

I’m fairly sure it’s a relationship role, or a role in a BDSM dynamic. It’s sorta squicky to me, so it’s not something I’m familiar with… so, maybe, ask someone who is into it. Or maybe, just fucking Google it.

If I was your endoplasmic reticulum how would you like me? Rough or smooth?

endoplasmic reticulum meme

Hmmmm… since sperm cells are one of only two types of eukaryotic cells that don’t have an endoplasmic reticulum… Are you trying to tell me you’re firing blanks?

Or you just couldn’t come up with anything else to ask? That big empty contact form is just too fucking tempting not to type something into, isn’t it? If you must, you could always ask me an actual question — I don’t mind silly questions (sometimes I enjoy them), but a middle school biology joke? A meme? You seriously couldn’t come up with anything better?

You know you don’t have put anything in the comment box, right? (especially if it’s stupid shit I can’t do anything with.) The easiest way to avoid sending me stupid shit is to think of something really fucking stupid you could send me… and then don’t send it.

Would you describe a long-term femdom relationship as similar to the game Go, in your expert opinion?

I don’t play games.

Oooh… that sounds a little sexy, doesn’t it? Imagine me meeting your eyes, and using my best sexy domme voice… ‘I don’t play games…’ HOT.

Anyway, I don’t play board games or party games, and I’m not familiar with Go. But, if I had to say, femdom might be a little like Cards Against Humanity, which I’ve never played… but it looks like an interesting way to spend an evening. Players have to do what’s on the cards, right? ;)

Femdom Like Cards Against Humanity

“Bain-marie” by Antoinel, (2005). Work licensed under Creative Commons: CC BY-SA 3.0.
“Newer teddy bear” (2013). file is ineligible for copyright and therefore in the public domain.
“Smooth or Rough meme,” from