A long, long time ago, when J and I were still getting to know each other, we danced around the details of our sexual preferences. When we got to the topic of anal play, J asked if I had even been the recipient of “rimming.” I had not, nor did I understand the appeal. What could a tongue on my asshole possibly do for me?

J responded with a sigh: “It’s a shame that so many women have never enjoyed a proper rimming.”

And that sentence? It was fucking hilarious. He said it so matter-of-factly, as if he were speaking of something totally non-sexual, like steak, or live theater, or a pedicure.

I laughed, said I wasn’t all that interested, and that was that. (or so I thought)

Here’s the thing: J is both orally fixated and completely indiscriminate. He’s a mouth slut. The object of his oral attention doesn’t matter much — if his mouth is on it, in it, or around it, he’s a happy man. For that, I am a lucky woman.

The boy has a very talented mouth. He has beautiful lips, perfect teeth, a strong jaw, and a surprisingly dexterous tongue. He’s a lovely kisser — attentive, responsive, and his kisses run the range from sweet, slow, and tender to predatory and aggressive. His lips and tongue are magic on necks, ears, nipples, collarbones, fingers… and everywhere else. Bonus: he adores giving oral sex. Double bonus: he’s amazing. Triple bonus: he has impressive stamina.

The boy has a black belt in giving head.

I learned that fairly quickly. But along the way, here and there, J hinted at “ass worship.” By hinted, I mean he mentioned it in his fantasies, made ‘suggestions,’ and occasionally, he just went ahead and licked my asshole. I’m a little slow sometimes, but eventually, I got the hint.

I didn’t say no, I just didn’t say much of anything. I had (have) enough issues receiving cunnilingus, so anything else was outside of my ability to consider.

I was a tiny bit curious, but the language alone was a complete turn off. The image in my head of “ass worship” was from bad porn — I couldn’t imagine myself bouncing on his face yelling “lick my ass! LICK MY ASS!” It’s just not me. *shudder*

But now and again, an errant tongue during oral sex made me curious…

By errant tongue, I mean that when he was licking my pussy, his tongue strayed ‘the proper course’ to get at my ass. Of course, he only spent a second there before moving away… as if it was just an accident, as if he had been overzealous and momentarily lost control of his tongue. Riiiiight.

By curious, I mean, ‘oh… that felt good.’

J’s ‘errant tongue’ is just one example of why he’s a fantastic submissive for me (and to me). I’m not your textbook ‘take charge’ demanding, do it now, do it this way, sort of dominant. This is my first D/s relationship, and besides that, I have a fuck ton of hangups — body image issues, insecurities, a history of bad sex, fear of embarrassment, gender enculturation, etc. — I can’t just turn all of that off.

To his immense credit, J walks a very dangerous line in suggesting anything, particularly when he thinks he knows better than I do what I’ll enjoy. It’s risky — he wants me to enjoy myself, and if he suspects there’s something I’ll like, he’s got to figure out how to make that happen.

Sometimes it means making me feel comfortable and safe.

Other times, it means I need to be convinced it’s something he wants as much (if not more) than I do. (If I ‘give in’ to something he wants, it circumvents any cognitive dissonance I might have over wanting it myself.) When convincing isn’t enough, I need coaxed. (We call it ‘begging,’ because that’s how it’s enacted — he ‘begs’ and further convinces me it’s something he really wants, and acquiescing to him feels safer to me than acknowledging my own desire… please Ma’am, let me lick you… please, please? Okay, okay… fine. If you really want to lick my ass….).

Sometimes, I need pushed — literally. J physically moves me into a position or just goes ahead and does something before I have a chance to process what’s going on.

Note: I realize a lot of this is mind games — not the evil kind, but the kind I need us both to play for me to feel comfortable and safe enough to try new things (particularly things that make me feel vulnerable). It’s not something I’m proud of — it’s immature and self-centered and ridiculous. I’m self-aware enough to see that, but I’m not always in a position to fix it. I’m very lucky to have a partner who knows me well enough to recognize my shortcomings, who is smart enough to figure out how to work with them, and who loves me enough to put up with any of it.

Anyway, his ‘errant tongue’ was one such way of pushing me…

One night, in the middle of oral sex, his tongue went rogue and ended up dangerously close to my asshole… but only for a moment. Before I could protest, he was, um, back on track. Perhaps it was just a slip of the tongue, (so to speak), so I didn’t mention it.

The next time he went rogue, he lapped at my asshole for a few seconds. I still wasn’t sure whether it was on purpose or whether he was just overzealous, and it felt pretty damn good, so again, I didn’t protest.

It happened more and more frequently. His errant tongue’s adventures only ever lasted a few seconds before he retreated. Smart man… he never gave me enough time to stop him. (He knows me well.)

I assume my lack of protest was encouragement enough… and one night, he got very brave.

He had been licking pussy for a while, and for whatever reason, I was just enjoying it without the usual orgasm frustration (I have orgasm issues). When I wasn’t paying attention, he moved my hips a few inches, locked his arms around me, and I was stuck (not that I fought it much… sometimes I enjoy it when he’s aggressive).

He started lapping away at my asshole, and this time he didn’t retreat. Within a few moments, I gave in to absolute bliss. (Have I mentioned that boy’s mouth is magic?)

It was amazing — pure pleasure. It’s definitely sexual pleasure, but it’s different somehow. It’s luxurious — warm, soft, more relaxed. It’s pleasure that rolls in gentle waves that never crest and never crash. In that way, it’s entirely different from oral sex where the goal is orgasm. It’s different because there’s no build and no goal — it’s without frustration and without tension.

And because there’s no tension and no pressure, I can be entirely passive — physically and mentally. I’m doing nothing more than being served, and that’s emotionally satisfying in a way I didn’t expect.

It’s worship. As much as I hate the term, there’s no better word for it… and I fucking love it.

I’m lucky he’s willing to take risks. He’s lucky it ended well.

So, ass worship? Yes please. :)

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